Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school.

[Roytor]

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your idea.

Some people might say that student should do physical exercise every school day while others may believe that student should only concentrate on their academic studies at school. In my point of view, I definitely agree that physical exercise should be a requirement for students every school day for several reasons.

First of all, as it is the fact that physical exercise is a necessary activity for people to stay healthy. Therefore, such activity should be set as the requirement at school for students. Nowadays, students may have a lot of activities to do after their school hour which may results in neglecting of physical exercise. Hence, implementing such activity in the school hour can promote the students’ health condition. To illustrate, most of students in my country need to go to tutoring schools every evening and finish around 8 – 9 pm. Thus, they become overweight as they keep eating without exercising.

Secondly, doing physical exercise not only promotes health condition of the student but with some team exercise can also help strengthen the relationship among players. Therefore, setting up the team sport activities will help student get together and eventually results in better of relationship. For example, during my high school year, I played soccer every morning before the class start which allow me to know many friends from the other class and we are still good friends today.

Finally, proper physical exercise can directly affect human emotion as Endorphin hormone will be secreted. Thus, doing exercise activity everyday especially before the class start can promote students’ emotion during school day which will help in concentration in the class. For instance, during my college year, it can be seen clearly that students who exercise frequently tend to concentrate and score more in the class.

In conclusion, even there is some controversial whether physical exercise activity should be a requirement for every school day. I totally agree with the idea of setting such requirement because of the reasons mentioned above.

Please help correct and rate my essay. Thanks

TOEFL listening lectures: Which characteristic of Ireland does the professor utilize in his lecture?

[Luschen]

Hi, your introduction and conclusion were a little scanty, but your body paragraph were better. I think you addressed the prompt well and I liked your personal examples. Your writing was clear, but you had a lot of small mistakes that made your essay sound a little unnatural. Due to this, I think I can only rate it a 3.5 out of 5.

@Roytor

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your idea.

Some people might say that student[s ] should do physical exercise every school day while others may believe that student[s ] should only concentrate on their academic studies at school. In my point of view, I definitely agree that physical exercise should be a requirement for students every school day for several reasons. {this intro is a little basic and somewhat repetitive}

First of all, as it is the fact that physical exercise is a necessary activity for people to stay healthy. {this is not a complete sentence - the “as it is a fact that” phrase makes the whole thing a dependent clause} Therefore, such activity should be set as the requirement at school for students. Nowadays, students may have a lot of activities to do after their school hour[s, ] which may results[result] in neglecting [the neglect] of physical exercise.{or “in neglecting physical exercise”} Hence, implementing such activity in the school hour [during the school day] {this is more natural and less repetitive} can promote the students’ health condition. To illustrate, most of students {or “most of the students”} in my country need to go to tutoring schools every evening and finish around 8 – 9 pm. Thus, they become overweight as they keep eating without exercising.{this is a little odd, as you didn’t really mention eating before - do they serve big meals at the tutoring schools? }

Secondly, doing physical exercise not only promotes health[the physical] condition of the student but with some team exercise{“team sports” is better here} can also help strengthen the relationship among players. Therefore, setting up the team sport activities will help student[s ] get together and eventually results in better of relationship[s ]. For example, during my high school year[s ], I played soccer every morning before the class[es] start[ed,] which allow[ed] me to know {“me to get to know” or “me to get to make” is better here} many friends from the other class and we are still good friends today.

Finally, proper physical exercise can directly affect human emotion[s ] as [ e]ndorphin hormone will be secreted. Thus, doing exercise activity {or “doing physical activity”} everyday{every day is two words here} especially before the class start can promote students’ emotion{“promote emotion” sounds odd - maybe “lift students’ spirits”} during [the] school day[,] which will help in concentration in the class. For instance, during my college year[s ], it c[ould] {or “during my college years, I can see clearly …”} be seen clearly that students who exercise frequently tend[ed] to concentrate and score more[higher] in the class.

In conclusion, even [though] there is some controver[sy] whether physical exercise activity should be a requirement for every school day[,] {this was not a complete sentence} I totally agree with the idea of setting such requirement because of the reasons mentioned above.

Please help correct and rate my essay. Thanks

TOEFL listening lectures: Which characteristic of Ireland does the professor utilize in his lecture?