Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others

[Dips]

Dear All,
Please Grade my essay.
Thank you so much in advance.

TOIPC: Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — planning or not planning for your leisure time? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

People those are very ambitious and career oriented are already planned for everything like what they want to become in life. Some people are not preferred to plan their life they think its wastage of time. I think such a people are somewhat confuse in life because they don’t have fix direction or way to reach their. Those who planned thing they are very clear about everything and trying to reach their aim by their hard work. I definitely prefer to plan everything in my life so carefully. My examples and reasons listed below will strengthen my point of view.

To begin with, Many people planned there life like I want to complete my degree in four years and then apply for the master. So their views are clear so they planned everything before they apply. If unplanned people suddenly want to PHD in something but if application deadline is already gone then it’s his loss. So it’s always better to have particular aim in front of everyone also give direction where to go in life. Unplanned people are sometime feel confound and unbalanced they don’t have fixed aim and don’t know where to go.

Admittedly, some unplanned people are gets things due to their luck as per they want but it’s not will happen every time. As we all know “Time is Money”. It is better to use time carefully which will going to help us in future. Moreover consider daily life example about job interview, some people are so perfect that they already planned everything like how they introduce their selves in interview, which dress they are going to wear, prepare all documents file two days before for the interview. An unplanned person is always wait till last time.

Finally, there are many people who like many things at a time so they can not able to take decision such people will not do well in their life. Consider example of successful businessman in today generation like Mr. Narayan Murthy. His aim is to become reach people in the world and now he is one of successful businessman in the world. I think life is without planning is like flower without smell.

In conclusion, I think our focus towards our ambition should have to be clear and our ambition will come true only if we planned our aim. Life is Short it’s better to plan what we want so not miss anything important.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the young man have grapes for lunch?

[Luschen]

Hi, you have written a good essay, but you have a lot of small errors. Try to be more careful in matching your subjects, verbs and objects. Remember, people have lives, they don’t share one life.

@Dips

Dear All,
Please Grade my essay.
Thank you so much in advance.

TOIPC: Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer — planning or not planning for your leisure time? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

People those[who] are very ambitious and career oriented are[have] already planned for everything like[,including] what they want to become in life. Some people are[do] not preferred to plan their life[lives] [as] they think its[it is a] wastage[waste] of time. I think such a people are somewhat confuse[d] in life because they don’t have [a] fix[ed] direction or way to reach their [goals]. Those who planned thing they are very clear about everything{try not to say “everything”, be more specific} and [are] trying to reach their aim by their hard work. I definitely prefer to plan everything in my life so carefully. My examples and reasons listed below will strengthen my point of view. { I would leave out this last sentence - the previous one is a better thesis statement}

To begin with, Many{no caps} people planned there[their] life{lives} [in detail] like[saying][,] [“] I want to complete my degree in four years and then apply for the master{s} [”]. So their views are clear so[as] they planned everything before they apply[applied]. If unplanned{people can’t be “unplanned” except maybe an “unplanned pregnancy” - try “impulsive”} people suddenly want to [pursue a]PHD in something but if[the] application deadline is[has] already gone then it’s his[their] loss. So it’s always better to have [a] particular aim in front of everyone[you that] also give{s} direction where to go in life. Unplanned[see note above, try “Spontaneous”] people are sometime{s} feel confound[ed] and unbalanced [since] they don’t have fixed aim{s} and don’t know where to go.

Admittedly, some unplanned{spur-of-the-moment} people are gets things due to their luck as per they want but it’s not [something that] will happen every time. As we all know “Time is Money”. It is better to use time carefully which will going to help us in future. Moreover consider [a] daily life example about [a] job interview,[:] some people are so perfect[organized] that they already planned everything like how they introduce their selves[themselves] in [the] interview, which dress they are going to wear,[and] prepare[preparing] all [necessary] documents file two days before for the interview. An unplanned person is always wait[ing] till last time[the last minute].

Finally, there are many people who like[focus on too] many things at a time so they can[are] not able to take[make a] decision {start new sentence} such people will not do well in their life{lives}. Consider [the] example of successful businessman in today{'s} generation like Mr. Narayan Murthy. His aim is to become reach[one of the richest] people in the world and now he is one of successful businessman in the world. I think life is without planning is like flower without smell. {This sentence could use a little more explanation. I think this whole paragraph is pretty weak.}

In conclusion, I think our focus towards our ambition should have to be clear and our ambition will come true only if we [have] planned our aim. Life is Short {no caps} [so] it’s better to plan what we want so [as] not [to] miss anything important.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the young man have grapes for lunch?

[Dips]

Hey Luschen,
Thanks for your advice and suggestions.

Could you please explain more about the statement – My examples and reasons listed below will strengthen my point of view. { I would leave out this last sentence - the previous one is a better thesis statement} It means do need to write this sentence in conclusion? I am confuse…

[Luschen]

Hi, I meant that you should leave that sentence out. This is some information about thesis statements from this website: cz-training.com/toefl/thesisstatement01.html

[i]
After you have introduced the reader to the subject of the essay, you write a thesis statement. This is the last sentence of the first paragraph, and it should do two things:

* Directly answer the essay question
* Tell the reader what your opinion is

The thesis statement is the most important sentence in the essay. It does not include specific details that appear later in your essay, but it should answer the essay question clearly and directly. If somebody reads your thesis sentence, they should be able to answer these two questions:

* What is the essay about?
* What is your opinion?

[/i]

Your last sentence in your first paragraph is "My examples and reasons listed below will strengthen my point of view. " This sentence does not tell me what your essay is about nor what your opinion is, therefore it is not a good thesis statement.

This is a comparison essay, so your thesis statement should point out that you are going to compare the good and bad point of planning your leisure activities, but include your opinion as well. I think a good thesis statement could be:

“Although I definitely prefer to plan everything in my life carefully, there are also some advantages to living a more carefree lifestyle.”

Also, looking at the essay prompt, I realize that you did not really address the question properly. The essay should be about your free time, your leisure activities you do for fun. When you go to a city for a day trip, do you just walk around looking for fun activities to do or do you have everything planned out in advance? Sorry I didn’t look at the essay prompt carefully.

[Dips]

You are absolutely right Luschen. I recognize may mistake. I did’t look at the essay prompt carefully. I will be more careful from next time.
Thank you.