: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

ielts

#1

Please evaluate my essay and give some feedback <3

The question of which is the best way to build up a career has recently garnered much public attention. While some people argue that enrollment in tertiary education is utterly decent for a promising career, others believe that one should get a job right after school. This essay will analyze both sides of the issue and state my opinion.
On the one hand, the reasons why students have a tendency to attend universities and colleges are manifold. To commence with, students who continue their education after high school stand a higher chance of acquiring essential qualifications. These days, the recruitment process is intensely competitive. Having a good qualification certainly give one an advantage over other candidates in the job market. Additionally, higher education provides pupils with critical skills needed for the enhancement of their lives. For example, throughout tertiary education programs, pupils are encouraged to drill many skills such as communication skill, teamwork, problem solving, and leadership.
On the other hand, the option to start working straight after school is appealing for several reasons. Firstly, there is no denying the fact that youngsters who work straight after school are able to accumulate extensive hands-on experience related to their chosen profession. This helps them progress more quickly in their career paths. Secondly, a multitude of young people tend to start their careers as soon as possible to live independently on their own income. Not only does it help promote self-reliance among the youth but also reduce the financial burden on families.
In conclusion, it is evident that both ways have their own merits. However, I firmly believe that people are more likely to launch promising careers if they partake in higher education.


#2

Hi Le Khoi, I think your essay’s format is effective for this type of prompt. You have addressed the question well, but be sure to always be focusing on the exact prompt; there were a few spots where you were not entirely “laser-focused”. You had a good discussion of the two sides, but I think you needed to develop your opinion a little more. At least summarize the particular reasons that lead to your opinion and better, explain why they are stronger than the opposing side’s support. Your writing itself is very good, with only a few errors, though there were a few places where I made some modifications to make your writing sound a bit more polished: