: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

[Le_Khoi]

Please evaluate my essay and give some feedback <3

The question of which is the best way to build up a career has recently garnered much public attention. While some people argue that enrollment in tertiary education is utterly decent for a promising career, others believe that one should get a job right after school. This essay will analyze both sides of the issue and state my opinion.
On the one hand, the reasons why students have a tendency to attend universities and colleges are manifold. To commence with, students who continue their education after high school stand a higher chance of acquiring essential qualifications. These days, the recruitment process is intensely competitive. Having a good qualification certainly give one an advantage over other candidates in the job market. Additionally, higher education provides pupils with critical skills needed for the enhancement of their lives. For example, throughout tertiary education programs, pupils are encouraged to drill many skills such as communication skill, teamwork, problem solving, and leadership.
On the other hand, the option to start working straight after school is appealing for several reasons. Firstly, there is no denying the fact that youngsters who work straight after school are able to accumulate extensive hands-on experience related to their chosen profession. This helps them progress more quickly in their career paths. Secondly, a multitude of young people tend to start their careers as soon as possible to live independently on their own income. Not only does it help promote self-reliance among the youth but also reduce the financial burden on families.
In conclusion, it is evident that both ways have their own merits. However, I firmly believe that people are more likely to launch promising careers if they partake in higher education.

[Luschen]

Hi Le Khoi, I think your essay’s format is effective for this type of prompt. You have addressed the question well, but be sure to always be focusing on the exact prompt; there were a few spots where you were not entirely “laser-focused”. You had a good discussion of the two sides, but I think you needed to develop your opinion a little more. At least summarize the particular reasons that lead to your opinion and better, explain why they are stronger than the opposing side’s support. Your writing itself is very good, with only a few errors, though there were a few places where I made some modifications to make your writing sound a bit more polished:

@Le_Khoi

The question of [what] {“which” only really works if you also mention the options} is the best way to build up a career has recently garnered much public attention. While some people argue that enrollment in tertiary education is utterly decent {“decent” does not work here - maybe “imperative”} for a promising career, others believe that one should get a job right after school. This essay will analyze both sides of the issue and state my opinion. {once again, I prefer stating your opinion in the thesis - " … and explain why I hold the opinion that pursuing higher education is the wisest path to career success."}
On the one hand, the reasons why students have a tendency {“have a tendency” is not the best here - the topic sentence should relate more closely to the prompt. The prompt does not ask “why do students go to college?”, instead it is “how does college lead to a successful career?”} to attend universities and colleges are manifold. To commence {“commence” sounds a bit odd to me when used as a transition phrase here} with, students who continue their education after high school stand a higher chance of acquiring essential qualifications. These days, the recruitment process is intensely competitive. Having a good qualification [an advanced degree / a college diploma] {to avoid repeating “qualifications”} certainly [gives] one an advantage over other candidates in the job market. Additionally, higher education provides pupils with critical skills needed for the enhancement of their [work] lives. {always keep the specific prompt in mind - work, career, jobs} For example, throughout tertiary education programs, pupils are encouraged to drill {“drill” to me has somewhat of a negative connotation - I would probably use “acquire” or something similar} many [job-related] skills such as communication skill, teamwork, problem solving, and leadership.
On the other hand, the option to start working straight after school is appealing for several reasons. Firstly, there is no denying the fact that youngsters who [begin] work straight after [high] school are able to accumulate extensive hands-on experience related to their chosen profession. This helps them progress more quickly in their career paths. Secondly, a multitude of young people tend to start their careers as soon as possible [in order] to live independently on their own income. Not only does [doing so] {yours was ok, but this sounds a bit more polished} help promote self-reliance among the youth but [it] also [reduces] the financial burden on families. {explain why this would lead to career success}
In conclusion, it is evident that both ways have their own merits. However, I firmly believe that people are more likely to launch promising careers if they partake in higher education. {why do you believe this? This is basically 1/3 of the prompt and thus deserves more explanation than you have given}