Thank you for your instruction. This forum is new to me; therefore I am not accustomed to using it. Here is my essay once again. Thank you Mr Luschen.
Whether work to live or live to work is a hotly debated topic that often divides opinion. My own view on the matter is that I firmly agree that people should nurture a proper being, preparing a solid foundation for work challenges.
On the one hand, those in favor of the idea argue, for several reasons, that work to live should be of the greatest duty in each individual’s entire being. First of all, it is, in accordance with norm referencing, usually regarded as a way to return the favor for one’s family as they had contributed a lot to one’s strenuous upbringing. For this reason, one devotes his time to working in order to not only achieve his financial security and career fulfillment but also provide his family with proper means of subsistence. Second of all, workaholics believe that work - prioritization builds a solid background both in finance and professional experiences. If one involves in hard work, he obviously saves himself a lump sum of money, which, in turn, would likely help him deal with any unprecedented risks such as health problems and investment opportunities in the future.
On the other hand, critics of this argument counter that societal changes have added to the appearance that both blue and white collars are becoming self fulfillment workers, who live to work. This means that employees are no longer prioritize works over lives, only thriving to achieve personal growth and focus on honing their skills. A vivid practise of this is that young generation today are more likely to switch to other jobs once they find current one dull, which demonstrates a seeking of better environment to grow. Another case of this is that employees tend to prefer working from home, which allows for flexibility in their life over flexitime.
Weighing up both sides of the argument, although working plays an essential role in one’s being, self-fulfillment as live to work has become an ever increasing trend in today’s social structure.
Hi Nguy, welcome to the forum. Thanks for going through the effort to post this, as other learners are sure to benefit from reading your essay. I get the impression that you did not really understand this prompt.
I admit it is not as straightforward as some other IELTS prompts, as it uses an idiom “work to live or live to work”. In your introduction you should paraphrase this prompt by putting it in your own words so the reader knows exactly how you interpret it.
Even if you don’t get state the standard meaning, if your interpretation makes sense, the grader should grade your essay in light of that interpretation.
As it is, your essay never really explains what you think the prompt means, and as a result your essay is very confusing and goes back and forth as to what exactly you are arguing for. Also, you have written the wrong type of essay for this prompt. The prompt does not say “discuss both sides”, instead it only asks do you agree or disagree. So for this type of prompt, you should only focus on the one side that you agree with and give only arguments justifying that opinion. Here are some other specific suggestions: