Nowadays, students are taking more and more exams. Some parents inspire their children to achieve high marks by offering money and believe their children will be beneficial from this reward. However, I think it is harmful to their children.
Firstly, children may misuse the rewarded money. With many pieces of junk food and game advertisements booming on websites and televisions, students may be misled to purchase those harmful things, which affects their study and health. The incident that happened to my brother Tom is a vivid example. He is a middle school student. Last year, he occasionally got an A+ on a mathematic course. My aunt, a busy manager in a computer company, was so happy, then gave my brother $100. Aiming to have fun, my brother loaded $70 into his LOL pocket and spent the rest buying a pile of different kinds of junk food. From then on, he became addicted to computer games and always played games at night. Thus he could not concentrate on his study and rarely got even an A- in mathematics.
Secondly, money is not the most valuable gift for children. Parents have better ways to express their encouragement for their children, like holding a family activity to congratulate, this would be more meaningful. According to a survey that involves 3,000 parents, more than 80% of survey takers admit they spend less than 8 hours a week with their children. When a child acquires good grades, he just wants parents’ affirmation and more company. Some parents are too busy, as a result ignoring their children’s actual needs. So, I think sending money as a gift is somewhat superficial. If they hold a barbeque to celebrate, parents can show their respect by asking more questions about children’s experience of earning good grades. Parents’ care and respect will encourage children to make more progress in the future.
For the reasons above, I believe parents should pay more attention to their children when they achieve high grades, instead of offering money.
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Nowadays, students are taking more and more exams. Some parents spur their children to do well by offering money, thinking that this reward will benefit their children. However, I believe that this is harmful to their children.
First, the children might abuse the reward. With so many advertisements for junk food and games popping up on websites and TV, students might be tempted to buy these harmful things, which affects their learning and health. The incident that happened to my brother Tom is a vivid example. He is a middle school student. Last year, he occasionally got an A-plus in a math class. My aunt, a busy manager in a computer company, was so happy that she gave my brother $100. To amuse himself, my brother put $70 in his LOL bag and spent the rest on a bunch of different junk foods. From then on, he became addicted to computer games and was always playing games at night. As a result, he could no longer concentrate on his studies and couldn’t even get an A in math.
Second, money is not the most valuable gift for children. Parents have better ways to express their encouragement for their children, such as having a family party to congratulate them, that would be much more meaningful. According to a survey involving 3,000 parents, more than 80% of respondents admit that they spend less than 8 hours a week with their children. When a child has good grades, he simply wants the parents’ affirmation and more company. Some parents are too busy and therefore ignore the real needs of their children. Therefore, I think sending money as a gift is a bit superficial. If they have a barbecue, parents can show their respect by asking more questions about the children’s experiences with good grades. Parents’ care and respect will encourage children to make more progress in the future.
For the above reasons, I think parents should pay more attention to their children when they achieve good grades instead of offering them money.
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Thank you, Torsten 
After reading your reply, I find many mistakes in my essay.
If my essay is a TOEFL independent task, what is its score?
Every time I finish my writing, I feel some sentences in my writing are weird.
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