Science vs Arts

[Swan]

Hi guys,

I changes the way I write essay, and I would like to know if you like this essay or not.

Some people say that artists such as painters, writers and musicians affect our life more than scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

The Importance of science and art on human life especially in the last two centuries is an undeniable fact. There are many people who hold the idea that science has less influence on our life than that of artistic works. This essay deals with arguments for and against this controversial issue.

Those who are in favor of art believe that it was artistic works which has changed our boring life into a wonderfully interesting one. Art is a way of expressing our feelings such as fears, sadness, happiness and objections. Only by art was human capable to complain about unfairness in societies. That protest singers, song writers and authors played a significant role to put an end on (flames /shadows) of war during the Cold War is indisputable. This is the most impressive argument among the supporters of arts.

The supporters of science argue that it was the outcome of scientists that saved primitive men’s life from life-threatening dangers leading them from caves to the modern luxurious lifestyles. Human race owe to fruits of technology if our means of transportation are moving around the globe, rate of infant fatality decreased and humans’ average life span increased. We are now extracting invaluable minerals from depth of earth to be used in different ways resulting our life much more easy than our ancestors. These achievement are not at least a direct result of arts.

Considering the impact of science or arts as the primary factor of improvement in human life has become a matter of intense debate. While some strongly advocate the arts, others argue that the focus should be on the influence of science. This essay elaborated on both views with some relevant experiences.

This is the construction I followed:

Introduction:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I will tell them.

Body 1:
Restate Side 1
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 1

Body 2:
Restate Side 2
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 2

Conclusion:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I told them.

Thanks in advance,
Amir

TOEFL listening discussions: What upsets the young man’s mother?

[Luschen]

Hi Swan, I liked the format of your body paragraphs, but personally I don’t really like the format of your introduction and conclusion. Would you mind sharing where you got this suggested format? To me, ending the introduction with a strong thesis statement seems more effective. And for your conclusion, I think an inverted pyramid works better, where you start with a restatement of the thesis, expand out to a summary, and expand our further to a call to action or relating the essay to a broader issue. openschool.bc.ca/courses/fa … ra001.html

@Swan

Hi guys,

I changes the way I write essay, and I would like to know if you like this essay or not.

Some people say that artists such as painters, writers and musicians affect our life more than scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

The [importance] of science and art on human life[,] especially in {“over” seems a little better here} the last two centuries[,] is an undeniable fact. There are many people who hold the idea that science has less influence on our life than that of artistic works. This essay deals with arguments for and against this controversial issue.

Those who are in favor of art believe that it was {“has been” is a better tense to match the end of your sentence} artistic works which [have] changed our boring life into a wonderfully interesting one. Art is a way of expressing our feelings such as fears, sadness, happiness and objections. Only by art was {once again, using present tense or present perfect is better here - past tense implies that this was only true in the past or does no longer apply} human {once again, I don’t really like “humans” here - maybe “individuals”} capable [of complaining] about unfairness in societies. That protest singers, song writers and authors played a significant role [in putting] an end [to the scourge] (flames /shadows) {“flames” is ok, but the whole point of the “Cold” war is that there were no flames - “shadows” to me means the beginnings of a war that has not really started yet} of war during the Cold War is indisputable. This is the most impressive argument among the supporters of arts.

[On the other hand, ] The supporters of science argue that it was the outcome of scientists that saved primitive men’s life from life-threatening dangers leading them from caves to the modern luxurious lifestyles. {we usually don’t consider science beginning until the Renaissance or the rise of math and science under Islam. So to talk of scientists helping the cave men sounds pretty odd} [The] Human race [owes] to fruits of technology if our [the facts that our] means of transportation are moving around the globe, [the] rate of infant fatality [has] decreased and humans’ average life span [has] increased. We are now extracting invaluable minerals from [the depths of the] earth to be used in different ways[,] resulting our life [being] much [easier] more easy than [that of] our ancestors. These [achievements] are not at [in the] least a direct result of arts. {“at least” has a much different meaning that “not in the least” - I think you mean the latter, right?}

[To conclude,] Considering the impact of science or arts as the primary factor of improvement in human life has become a matter of intense debate. While some strongly advocate the arts, others argue that the focus should be on the influence of science. This essay elaborated on both views with some relevant experiences.

This is the construction I followed:

Introduction:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I will tell them.

Body 1:
Restate Side 1
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 1

Body 2:
Restate Side 2
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 2

Conclusion:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I told them.

Thanks in advance,
Amir

TOEFL listening discussions: What upsets the young man’s mother?

[Luschen]

Hi Swan, I liked the format of your body paragraphs, but personally I don’t really like the format of your introduction and conclusion. Would you mind sharing where you got this suggested format? To me, ending the introduction with a strong thesis statement seems more effective. And for your conclusion, I think an inverted pyramid works better, where you start with a restatement of the thesis, expand out to a summary, and expand our further to a call to action or relating the essay to a broader issue. openschool.bc.ca/courses/fa … ra001.html

@Swan

Hi guys,

I changes the way I write essay, and I would like to know if you like this essay or not.

Some people say that artists such as painters, writers and musicians affect our life more than scientists. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

The [importance] of science and art on human life[,] especially in {“over” seems a little better here} the last two centuries[,] is an undeniable fact. There are many people who hold the idea that science has less influence on our life than that of artistic works. This essay deals with arguments for and against this controversial issue.

Those who are in favor of art believe that it was {“has been” is a better tense to match the end of your sentence} artistic works which [have] changed our boring life into a wonderfully interesting one. Art is a way of expressing our feelings such as fears, sadness, happiness and objections. Only by art was {once again, using present tense or present perfect is better here - past tense implies that this was only true in the past or does no longer apply} human {once again, I don’t really like “humans” here - maybe “individuals”} capable [of complaining] about unfairness in societies. That protest singers, song writers and authors played a significant role [in putting] an end [to the scourge] (flames /shadows) {“flames” is ok, but the whole point of the “Cold” war is that there were no flames - “shadows” to me means the beginnings of a war that has not really started yet} of war during the Cold War is indisputable. This is the most impressive argument among the supporters of arts.

[On the other hand, ] The supporters of science argue that it was the outcome of scientists that saved primitive men’s life from life-threatening dangers leading them from caves to the modern luxurious lifestyles. {we usually don’t consider science beginning until the Renaissance or the rise of math and science under Islam. So to talk of scientists helping the cave men sounds pretty odd} [The] Human race [owes] to fruits of technology if our [the facts that our] means of transportation are moving around the globe, [the] rate of infant fatality [has] decreased and humans’ average life span [has] increased. We are now extracting invaluable minerals from [the depths of the] earth to be used in different ways[,] resulting our life [being] much [easier] more easy than [that of] our ancestors. These [achievements] are not at [in the] least a direct result of arts. {“at least” has a much different meaning that “not in the least” - I think you mean the latter, right?}

[To conclude,] Considering the impact of science or arts as the primary factor of improvement in human life has become a matter of intense debate. While some strongly advocate the arts, others argue that the focus should be on the influence of science. This essay elaborated on both views with some relevant experiences.

This is the construction I followed:

Introduction:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I will tell them.

Body 1:
Restate Side 1
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 1

Body 2:
Restate Side 2
Give Reason/s
Give Example/s
Conclude Side 2

Conclusion:
A general Statement.
Rewrite the question prompt in my own words.
Tell the reader what I told them.

Thanks in advance,
Amir

TOEFL listening discussions: What upsets the young man’s mother?

[Swan]

Hi dear Luschan,

Once again you made me dramatically happy. Thanks for all your invaluable comments.
I watched this video on youtube:

youtube.com/watch?v=uJg0E9p4ZWc

Regards,
Amir

[Luschen]

Thanks for the link Swan. He really seems to know what he is talking about. I will have to listen to some of his other videos. To be honest, I generally make suggestions based on the standard 5 paragraph essay format, whether it is TOEFL, IELTS, or whatever. I doubt there is any one perfect format - hopefully the graders are flexible enough to recognize the various ways of successfully addressing the prompt. I think I would just go with what feels most comfortable to you, and then if your score is not what you want, that is when perhaps you can change strategies.