Review my essay about influence created by the television to the people's behavio

Good day sir,

My TOEFL essay topic
How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer

My essay
Nowadays the movies and television can influence the people’s behavior especially the children. The television can influences also positively also negatively the people. I think the biggest problem in the world is created by television. There are many films with bad characters, like gangsters, criminals and the movie shows them like a rock stars. They look like the coolest and the best persons in that movie. By this the people and children will think that they will need to be like them.

The easiest behavior that can be change is the children one, because they are young and they can not make the difference between bad and good in some cases. They also learn how to say bad words. For an example: I am not a violent person, but when I was little I liked the Mohawk style and I created it for a few years. The people perceived me like a punk, but I wasn’t really a punk. I was just 6,7 years old. In conclusion the Mohawk style and the punk coolest hairstyle I had just learned from the television, but I didn’t learn the meaning of that hair style.

Also for adults it is a big problem. If you are watching to many crime movies, and if you don’t have a very good repuation(respect in the neighbor) or money. You will try to copy these models from TV(usually there are some bad models) in the real world. You will think copying that model you will make money, and everybody will respect you in the neighbor. By this the people will use bad words, or they will make different crimes for money or just for respect. If in a movie is presented a robing to a bank, which they was able to steal about 50.000$ and you will not have any money in the pocket(you are poor), it gives you a bad idea, and maybe you will search for more movies with the same topic. Then you will try to do it in the real world, because you will think nobody will caught you because in the most movies with this topic the robbers and not caught.

Also the television can increase the knowledge of viewers. If you will watch a few hundreds of movies on the Discovery Channel, or National Geographic, you will learn many new stuff from that TV. The diversity of topics in these channels is so big, so in this way you can learn from architecture to genetics, or computer science. From these channels you can learn how to build different machines which can be used in further development.

In conclusion the movies which will be seen by children must be filtered. In this way we must forbid different kind of movies(violent movies) to children like war movies, gangster movies, horror movies, and so on. The children will not understand the difference between bad and good, and usually they think that is a good model for their life. In the other way the television can be used to learn from it, by watching different scientific channels. You can learn about different cultures, physic’s processes, chemistry, modern technology and how to build different machines.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many types of IMA passes are available?