Radio would disappear - IELTS Task 2

Hi Luschen, here is my new IELTS essay Task 2. Could you give me a comment on what I need to improve to get your band 8 score (vocabulary, grammar, coherence/cohesion, task response)?

Topic: Radio has become popular. Do you think it would disappear in the future?

It is undeniable that the overwhelming majority of people from remote areas to megacities have used radio. While it has some advantages, I believe that there are media that may steal its future away.

Radio has its own advantages. With radio, we can listen to news broadcasts about events as they happen, and a key benefit of radio is that we can listen to it while doing other activities, such as driving or gardening.

However, television and the Internet have been posing an explicit threat to radio’s popularity. There is no room for doubt that they are much more effective media than radio in some ways. Firstly, television, when compared to radio, can combine visual elements along with sound effects, bringing us closer to reality than ever before. For example, we are able to watch sport events and feel partially the stadium atmosphere or we can see the body language of a politician who is being interviewed. In addition to television, the Internet allows us to access our own choices of news, information, and entertainment, whereas radio and television broadcasts is the same for everyone. Rather than just listening to radio or watching television, youngsters nowadays are likely to interact instantly with their friends around the world via Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms.

In conclusion, it seems to me that radio is neither as interesting as television and as personal and social as the Internet. Radio has to be transformed into a new kind of medium, otherwise whether radio could maintain its status in not-too-distant future remains to be seen.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the young woman sit in the rear seat of the car?

Hi, I think this is very close to an 8, just a couple phrases that could be improved and a few missed opportunities to throw in some more advanced vocabulary words. I do like the way you use English idioms, as your writing sounds quite natural.