Hi Mr. Luschen. Could you please kindly help me check this essay? I’m having an IELTS exam next month and I really want to know where I am now. I’ll appreciate your help!
Topic: As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems. What are problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? What are solutions for these problems?
Major cities across the globe are developing very fast. Although this has caused a great number of difficulties that young urban people are facing, governments can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.
As major cities develop quickly, several related obstacles that young urban citizens might encounter can be anticipated. Firstly, it is not easy for young downtown inhabitants to find a job. For example, fast-growing cities like New York or Tokyo have attracted thousands of rural people to migrate to urban areas for better career opportunities, forcing a various number of inexperienced job applicants unemployed. Secondly, the high cost of living in thriving cities has placed a great financial burden on junior urban citizens whose salaries are often insufficient to cover all living expenses including accommodation, food and services, and this might prevent them from enjoying their lives.
However, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. The first solution is for governments and local authorities to offer a variety of tax credit and incentive programs to businesses, encouraging them to relocate to surrounding countryside thereby reducing the migration wave to city centers. Vietnam’s government, for instance, has been successfully shifting many universities, institutions and organizations out of Hanoi’s city center with the hope of decreasing the unemployment rate, one of the problems of overpopulation. Another measure would be to give a reasonable interest rate to young municipal people to sustain their lives and continue to grow personally and professionally.
In conclusion, encouraging business relocation and giving a loan with a low interest rate to young urban residents are two measures that governments could take to tackle the problems that many young people living in major cities are encountering.
Hi Coolapple, I think your essay was pretty good. Your second body paragraph especially sounded very natural and polished. Your first body paragraph was not quite as strong though, with some errors in sentence structure and word usage. I think this might be enough to keep you out of the 7 level; I would rate this a band 6.5