Problem-solution essay

[thaodang119]

Hi leaders, please check and give me advice of my writing because I feel that I my essay didn’t address the promt correctly. Thank you in advance
Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer.

What problems could this situation cause ?

What measures could be done to address those problems?

Due to the increasing globalization of world trade, the disparity between poor and rich is widened rapidly as the rich become wealthier and poor still live on the breadline. There are a number of problems arising due to the economic inequality and some straightforward measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

The increasing gap between the rich and the poor can bring negative ramifications to society. First, inequality will decrease education and then lead to stifle the economic growth. While the wealthy children can obtain the high-quality education, the impoverished counterparts tend to underestimate the importance of education since they are unable to afford the educational fees. Thus, they will miss out the pricey chance to become competent workers in the future, as a result, the economy will be hindered due to a lack of skilled labor. Second, the derived people will be more likely to get involved in crimes such as robberies, or burglaries, since they have to struggle to pay for their living expenses such as the needs for food, or accommodation, hence, this certainly lead to the higher crime rate.

Fortunately, there are several efficient solutions to bridge the disparity between poor and rich in society. Educational organizations should provide scholarship programs to students coming from the disadvantaged families, which help them become professional people in the future. Also, the government should offer grants or loans with low interest rate for destitute families to support them. Farm grants, for example, helps impoverished farmers can cultivate and develop their business. Furthermore, the government should provide tax incentive for the low-income people that help relieve their financial burden. This would minimize the economic inequality in society.

In conclusion, the great disparity between the rich and the poor suppresses the development of society, and the solution can deal with the problem successfully if there are combination of school and government.

[Luschen]

Hi Thao Dang, I think you almost nailed this prompt, but didn’t quite get it exactly. As you realized, this is a two-part prompt. Your first body paragraph is fine. You answered the prompt’s question, “What problems could this situation cause?” The second body paragraph is where you ran into trouble. The prompt asks “What measures could be done to address those problems?” Read this carefully - it says “those problems”. Where else did you see “problems”? The prompt describes the income gap as a situation, a situation that causes problems. So here, “those problems” are the problems you talked about in part one of your essay. So for part two, the prompt is asking you to give solutions to the problems you discussed in part one. You actually pretty much did this, though I think maybe more by accident than planning. You just need to add some sentences to show that these are solutions to the two problems you already outlined - 1. lack of good education for the poor, resulting in a poor economy and 2. lack of jobs or money, leading to crime by poor people So in your second body paragraph, make it more clear how your two solutions, scholarships and grants / tax incentives will solve the two problems you gave in your first body paragraph. The trick here is realizing that the prompt is not asking for solutions to income inequality, it is just asking for solutions to the problems this inequality can cause. Here are some other suggestions on your grammar, vocabulary, and usage:

Due to the increasing globalization of world trade, the disparity between poor and rich [has] widened {or “is widening”} rapidly as the rich become wealthier and [the] poor still [rely] on the breadline. {to me, this is usually used as an exaggeration - “if I don’t get a job soon, I’ll be on the breadline”, so I am not sure it is the best here} There are a number of problems arising due to the economic inequality[, but fortunately] some straightforward measures can be taken to tackle [them] this problem.

The increasing gap between the rich and the poor can bring negative ramifications {yay! } to society. First, inequality will decrease education and then lead to [a stifling of] {“lead to” needs to be followed by a noun} the economic growth. While the wealthy children can obtain [a ] high-quality education, [their] impoverished counterparts tend to underestimate the importance {I don’t think this is true- lack of money prevents them from partaking of this education, but surely they still realize how important it is - that probably makes their lack of chance to become educated even more bitter} of education since they are unable to afford the educational fees. Thus, they will miss out [on] the pricey chance to become competent workers in the future[, because the necessary schooling is too pricey. As] a result, the economy will be hindered due to a lack of skilled labor. Second, the derived [destitute] people will be more likely to get involved in crimes such as robberies, or burglaries, since they have to struggle to pay for their living expenses such as the needs for [including] food, or accommodation[. Hence,] this certainly [leads] to [a ] higher crime rate.

Fortunately, there are several efficient solutions to bridge the disparity between poor and rich in society. {this is not really what the prompt is asking - the prompt wants solutions to the problems you have described above} [First, ]Educational organizations should provide scholarship programs to students coming from the disadvantaged families, which [will] help them become professional people in the future. Also, the government should offer grants or loans with low interest [rates] for destitute families[, in order] to support them. Farm grants, for example, [help] impoverished farmers [to] can {or “Farm grants, for example, ensure that impoverished farmers can cultivate …”} cultivate and develop their [businesses]. Furthermore, the government should provide tax [incentives] for the low-income people that [can] help relieve their financial burden. [These measures] would [prevent poor people from having to take to a life of crime in order to fulfill their basic needs. minimize the economic inequality in society.

In conclusion, the great disparity between the rich and the poor suppresses the development of society, and the solution can deal with the problem successfully if there are [a ]combination of school and government.