plz.check my essays.previous post were ignored:(the most important aspect of a jo

10/7/2012
Name: Lê Thị Thuỳ Trang

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:“ the most important aspect of a job is the money one can earn”. Use specific reason and example to support your answer.

“Have you ever considered what is the most important aspect concerning a job?” It is a foregone conclusion that many people would quickly answer:” It is the amount of money one can earn!” Nowadays, money is widely believed to be the first attraction/ criteria (for) to one when he offered a job, not to mention the fact that the more money he can earn, the more successful he will be supposed to be. Nonetheless, it seems to me that money is sometimes not the most significant facet of a job if this job is not allowed to carry by the law system, does not enable him to get more experience and help to enjoy the result of his fruit.
The first face to note is that despite the big amount of money one can earn, he sometimes feels upset, even nervous for his wrongdoings to get this money. While somebody else just focuses on physically working, then merits the same money and feels satisfied with this, he is concerned with making an awful lot of money by committing crimes namely bribery, corruption, illegal purchase, particularly heroin, morphine. Hence, they are always in fear of being caught in the act of malpractices. In the long run, it is highly likely that he will increase the possibility of being accused and eventually arrested. When the truth comes out, how many people dare to insist money being the most significant factor of a job if it is conducted without the conformity to the law?
Another reason cited to explain this is that money is perhaps an incentive/inducement for the employers to catch the employees’ eye, but other elements, in particular invaluable experience-gaining, appears to attach much significance. True saying indeed! Existing in the information age, many jobs have undergone a lot of changes, especially the advances of technology, more and more state-of –the-art devices, which requires an employee to learn to such an extent that he can keep abreast of new technologies, innovations, otherwise, he is regrettably exposed to be outdated even useless in his company. In this way he manages to know thoroughly and clearly about his work and accordingly carries it out well with job satisfaction. Above all, by experiencing, he can accumulate many good lessons that can not be equal lots of money as well as being bought by much monetary value.
Of equal importance is the job satisfaction one can get after completing his work. To explain, it is expected as a true-meaning success if he can make a real building which before lain in the papers, or he- a teacher can make himself understood by his students through tough tasks, or when the surgeon can successfully operate on a seriously ill patient. Needless to say, the satisfactory results are certainly a determining factor and lead to his commitment to his job with passion and accuracy.
The examples outlined above have apparently overturned the prevailing notion that money should be the most important facet of a job as a result of our substantial daily need of money. A good employee requires a legal job, invaluable experience, and the job satisfaction. Without at least these factors, he will encounter many awkward situations in daily work life.

TOEFL listening discussions: Where does this conversation most likely take place?

Hi, your writing is not too bad. You started off pretty strong, but you had more and more awkward and unclear phrases as your essay went on. You had a pretty good structure, but your transitionse and topic sentences need to be improved. Your first body paragraph was not really convincing to me - I sort of understand your point, but you cannot really assume that making money is always morally wrong unless you give evidence. Still, you had some good points and a pretty good vocabulary. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Thuytrangenglish

Hi Luschen,

You are great as doing this almost tired some job! Do you think we need than here?

I think the the sentence is not as clear as it might be, which might cause some misunderstanding. I think he is saying “somebody else does manual labor then deserves the same amount of money” - the “then” here means “and so”: “somebody else does manual labor and so deserves the same amount of money”

If you used “than” in place of “then”: “somebody else does manual labor than deserves the same amount of money”, the sentence would mean “somebody else does manual labor instead of deserving the same amount of money”. I don’t think this is what he meant.

tks you so much.i receive your corrections, they are really helpful!

Yes, Luschen your idea is right, and if the writer(who wrote the sentence) understands it that will be the most desirable expectation.