Based on the earlier suggetions, i have penned down this essay. Please check if I am on the right track.
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for longertime. Which of these situations you think is better
It sounds fun to be on our own , just enjoying life with friends and doing things as we like to do. But I definitely prefer to be with parents for longer time then being on my own at the early stage of my life, merely for following reasons.
Everyone will agree that, parents are the most trusted persons in this world. They can never think anything bad for their kids. Innumerable times, it has happened that parents sacrifice their happiness for their child. Whenever I am in problem, I know my parents are always there with me in my thick and thin. So being with them makes me feel safe and I am reassured that somebody is always there to look upon to.
Apart from being most trustworthy, parents are considered to be the best guide and teacher for their children . I personally rely on parents for their guidance, in some difficult situations and it has always helped me sail through very successfully. There was this situation in my early years of life, where in I had to decide my career options. And it was dad who helped me take the right decision. Now I am so happy with what I am doing and I owe all this to my dad. Being away from parents would have drifted my focus from my main motive and object of my life.
Other then being trustworthy and reliable, parents also play a vital role in controlling habits of their children. At the young age kids tend to move in bad company and end up ruining life. My neighbors son had left his house when he was fifteen years old. He fell into bad company, as there was nobody to question him. He started doing drugs and to keep up this bad habit, he started stealing and eventually ended up in jail ruining his whole life.
So in order to channel my life in positive direction, shape up my future and strengthen the basic values of life , I feel it is very important to stay with parents as long as possible
Hi, I think you are doing very well. You structure looks pretty good, although your thesis statement could be improved. Your grammar is excellent, but your vocabulary is a little basic. You also have some odd or awkward sounding phrases. Overall, i would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.