please this application essay

hi,teacher
would u please check this essay for me.wht are the mistakes or any wrong expression.many thx to u in advance.

                                  APPLICATION ESSay
                                             
 Everything in the universe is in constant change .And everything needs continual improvement if the ever changing and increasing demands of humankind are to be met. IF Iam even given the chance to change myself by doing master's degree in the United Stsates of America ,it would be unforgettable ,and terrific opportunity to improve my society by applying what I have learned .Because the academic program combines both scientific displines with professional practice .In that, I would fulfil my future career goal. 

In the first place, education is a key factor for success.Also, it’s a tool to accomplish my goal and dream.It has always been an important aspect of my life .During my intership,I took many English courses ,and I also had work.i have faced many chanllenges including balance between job and study.However, I overcame that and improved my adapatation,indenpendance,confidence and persistence.as I continue my degree by applying again to this scholarship now.

Admittedly, my career purposes are to utilize my community by inspiring my experience in field of oral surgery, and help women who suffer from not finding a female surgeon .Moreover, being an oral surgeon is so beneficial to my society in order to build a hospital for poor people. It would be very modern ,has various departments of oral and maxillofacial surgery with qualified specialists. I hope to be a head for it because I have leadership qualities ;thus, organzing the staff and preventing any inproriate behavior would be my duty. I mean I would give every patient his/her right from nice treatment and excellent cure.This hospital would offer a broader service to different races around the world,too.So it could be an outstanding one.

Furthermore, I would fight any discrimination or hostility . iam very confident ,bold ,smart ,and kind to needy ones.these are characteristic of any respectful surgeon .i assert that success comes from hardworking rather than luck or fate .Hence, I love to brush up myself in my specialty through courses via internet or conferences or assist my professors at college.
Additionally, this major could be rewarding to my academic targets .For instance, when I have master’s degree in oral and maxillofacial surgery , I would be able to teach at university ,and provide students with all exciting data ,enterprise,and background I learn. What is more, teaching students to be very active and ambitious is one of my academic plan.for example, when I give them a lesson , I would ask them to prepare and read about it from different sources .Then, at the class time , I would discuss with them what they have read .it’s the best way to share their understanding with each other .Because in this discussion ,they would be so surprised that so many great fresh thoughts are pushing to them from their colleagues and they are free.
In a word, I hope that sharing my goals ,I have been able to give you a glimpse into the person iam,and what I hope to achieve . I have included what I have felt to be the most significant influences on my career choice.i expect to continue my journey in university of the United states of America for doing my master with great enthusiasm.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention New York Harbor?

Hi FFF, I think you have quite a ways to go with this essay. First, I don’t quite understand what you are applying for - I don’t think you can get a master’s degree in oral and maxillofacial surgery - isn’t this something you would do in residency or get a fellowship in after completing your Bachelor’s degree and then Doctor’s degree? Overall, your essay is very vague and lacking details. You can’t just say “I am a very honest and hardworking person” - you have to give examples from your past that show these qualities. Your plans for the future sound equally vague, more like dreams than plans - build your own hospital? Aren’t you skipping a few steps here? Make sure you begin every sentence with a capital letter and always capitalize the word “I”. Also use no spaces before periods and commas and one space afterward.

THANKS A LOT. ARE U A TEACHER IN FORUM?I LIKE UR CORRECTION OF THE ESSAY .I ALREADY HAVE A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN DENTAL SURGERY.IAM A DENTIST .I WANT T.ALAN TO CHECK ,TOO.THX.THE ESSAY IS IN GENERAL FOR ORGANAZTION OFFERS FOR ARAB DENTISTS TILL THE TIME IAM ACCEPTABLE THEN I MUST CHOICE UNIVERSITY AND GIVE THEM THE ADMISSION.

THANKS A LOT. ARE U A TEACHER IN FORUM?I LIKE UR CORRECTION OF THE ESSAY .I ALREADY HAVE A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN DENTAL SURGERY.IAM A DENTIST .I WANT T.ALAN TO CHECK ,TOO.THX.

THANKS A LOT. ARE U A TEACHER IN FORUM?I LIKE UR CORRECTION OF THE ESSAY ,BUT WHT DO U MEAN BETWEEN {}OR [].I ALREADY HAVE A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN DENTAL SURGERY.IAM A DENTIST .I WANT T.ALAN TO CHECK ,TOO.THX.THE ESSAY IS IN GENERAL FOR ORGANAZTION OFFERS FOR ARAB DENTISTS TILL THE TIME IAM ACCEPTABLE THEN I MUST CHOICE UNIVERSITY AND GIVE THEM THE ADMISSION.

THANKS AGAIN TO U.

GOOD DAY.

Hi, you are welcome. I must admit that I am not a professionally trained teacher. Nevertheless, I am a volunteer English tutor, I am a native English speaker with two college degrees, and I have commented on and corrected hundreds of essays on this forum. I use [ ] for words that should be added, { } for my comments, and {sp} for spelling errors. Perhaps I was a little too hard on you - I thought this application was for a particular university, but I still think more detail would be good.