Please score my integrated essay, I have my test tomorrow.

[Waltz]

Hello, Luschen

This is my upgrade version of my previous integrated essay. Even though, I’m unsure that it is worse or better. I do the same subject because I cannot find any other exercises which offer me an argue type.

I hope this is not too bad.

Listening and Reading. Please visit this site.
[url]http://strictlyenglishusa.com/paid-toefl-exercises/free-toefl-exercises/writing-materials/integrated-essay/intwrlive[/url] (Please tell me what the professor says before ending “might sicken or even kill the patients who take… drug.” I am not sure what he says, thanks very much.)

The reading provides the information of the AIDS disease and mentions the AIDS Advocacy Groups (AAGs) who have an objective to support AIDS patients in developing country; they are moving in three directions of helping. However, the lecturer disagrees with their plan by indicating the flaw of each direction.

First of all, the Advocacy Groups (AAGS) criticize the drug companies that they take too high profit from AIDS patients; believing that majors drug companies should highly discount the costs. The professor opposes this concept by explaining that this plan is impossible. He said that medical companies are like other businesses; they have to get a high profit in order to survive and the budget is necessary to develop new drugs; if they get low profit, there would be no new drugs.

Moreover, AAGS have attempted to get governments to take responsibility by buying AIDS drugs in large quantity so the price would be diminished. Nevertheless, the professor states that according to the poor countries, the governments would be poor as the people. Therefore, the government do not have sufficient fund to make this strategy successful.

Finally, AAGS are also starting to stimulate poor countries to make their own duplicated version of official drugs. On the other hand, the professor rejects this point by saying that this project is not only considered stealing and illegal, It could also be deadly for patients; to make the drugs cheaply, the manufacturing would be lack of quality control thus this might sicken or even kill the patients.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social sciences class

[Luschen]

Hi Waltz, I think you did an excellent job on this one - of course hearing the lecture a second time makes it a bit easier. Just a few grammatical errors, but the main focus is getting all the points from the lecture, which you did. I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5. It may be too late, but here is a another source of free integrated essay questions: english-itutor.com/TOEFL_writing_mentor.html

@Waltz

Hello, Luschen

This is my upgrade version of my previous integrated essay. Even though, I’m unsure that it is worse or better. I do the same subject because I cannot find any other exercises which offer me an argue type.

I hope this is not too bad.

Listening and Reading. Please visit this site.
http://strictlyenglishusa.com/paid-toefl-exercises/free-toefl-exercises/writing-materials/integrated-essay/intwrlive (Please tell me what the professor says before ending “might sicken or even kill the patients who…” I am not sure what he says, thanks very much.)

[color=red]“might sicken or even kill the patients who take these inferior drugs”

The reading provides the information of[on] the AIDS disease and mentions the AIDS Advocacy Groups (AAGs) who have an objective to support AIDS patients in developing countr[ies]; they are moving in three directions of helping. {this phrase is understandable, but a little unnatural} However, the lecturer disagrees with their plan by indicating the flaw of each direction.

First of all, the Advocacy Groups (AAGS) criticize the drug companies that they[of] tak[ing] too high profit from AIDS patients; believing that majors drug companies should highly discount the costs[prices]. The professor opposes this concept by explaining that this plan is impossible. He said {present tense sounds better in these essays and is easier I think} that medical companies are like other businesses; they have to get a high profit in order to survive and the budget[profit] is necessary to develop new drugs; if they get low profit, there would be no new drugs.

Moreover, AAGS have attempted to get governments to take responsibility by buying AIDS drugs in large quantit[ies] thus the price would be diminished. Nevertheless, the professor states that according to the[since these are] poor countries,{“according to the poor countries” implies that this is what the poor countries are saying} the governments would be poor as the people. Therefore, the government[s ] do not have sufficient fund[s ] to make this strategy successful.

Finally, AAGS are also starting to stimulate poor countries to make their own duplicated version of official drugs. On the other hand, the professor rejects this point by saying that this project is not only considered stealing and illegal, It could also be deadly for patients; to make the drugs cheaply, the manufacturing would be lack of quality control thus this might sicken or even kill the patients.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social sciences class