Please review and rate my essay: Pets should be treated like family members.

[NoPain_NoGain_9]

TOPIC: Pets should be treated like family members.

Do you agree or disagree with this statements? Give reasons to support your opinion.

–
Although some people say that humans and animals are different, I agree with that pets should be treated like family members. We need to take care of their entire life once we start having them home.

First of all, we need to take a responsibility to our pets. The pets, of course, have a genetically connected family. However, because of human being’s egoism, they got segregated from their families and have to spend with human being. Hence, whoever they are, if we take them out from their family, we need to take care of them as family members.

Second, they have emotions and they could feel they are a part of the family no matter how human feel. After we have fed pets for a while, they recognize the humans who feed them are some very important existences for them to survive. They start showing their loyalties to the humans and act very nicely to their owner. Moreover, they are willing to confront to dangers of their owner and fight for them when a stranger comes in.

Finally, treating pets as family members gives good influence when we raise a child. The child can enjoy playing with pets and can learn how to deal with other living things. Appearances of pets are very different from ones of humans, but they have the same lives as we do and they can feel and think likewise. They just don’t speak a language but they express their emotion with barking or gargling. Children can play with pets and learn from them. Thus, pets can play a part of children’s older brothers.

In conclusion, I assert that pets think they are parts of family members and they play a very important role to their owner families. We should take a responsibility to them. Therefore, I insist that Pets should be treated like family members.

Thank you very much for your time!

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the student talking to the advisor?

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is very good. Your structure was good, but your arguments were not fully convincing to me. I would have liked a more creative introduction. You have a few grammatical errors, but I must commend you for your flawless use of life/lives - someone is listening to my ramblings! I would rate this essay a 3.5 out of 5.

@NoPain_NoGain_9

TOPIC: Pets should be treated like family members.

Do you agree or disagree with this statements? Give reasons to support your opinion.

–
Although some people say that humans and animals are different, I agree with [the view] that pets should be treated like family members. We need to take care of [them] their entire life once we start having[bring] them home. {this intro seems pretty weak and uncreative. Your thesis does not really address the prompt directly - sure we should take care of pets, but what about treating them like another child?}

First of all, we need to take a responsibility to[for] our pets. The pets, of course, have a genetically connected family. However, because of human being’s egoism, they got[have been] segregated from their families and have to spend [their lives] with human being[s ]. Hence, whoever they are, if we take them out[remove them] from their family, we need to take care of them as family members.

Second, they[pets]{try to state the noun at least once before you start using pronouns} have emotions and they could feel they are a part of the family no matter how human feel[their owner feels}. After we have fed pets for a while, they recognize the humans who feed them are some very important existences[entities, necessary] for them to survive. They start showing their loyalties to the humans and act very nicely to[wards] their owner. Moreover, they are willing to confront to dangers of[to] their owner and fight for them when a stranger comes in.

Finally, treating pets as family members gives [a] good influence when we raise a child. The child can enjoy playing with pets and can learn how to deal with other living things. [The] Appearances of pets are very different from ones[that] of humans,{no comma} but they have the same lives as we do and they can feel and think likewise. They just don’t[may not] speak a language but they express their emotion with barking or gargling{look up the definition for “gargle” you mean “growling”}. Children can play with pets and learn from them. Thus, pets can play [the] part of children’s older brothers.

In conclusion, I assert that pets think they are parts of family members{or “parts of the family”} and they play a very important role to[in] their owner['s] families. We should take a responsibility to them. Therefore, I insist that Pets {no caps} should be treated like family members.

Thank you very much for your time!

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the student talking to the advisor?

[NoPain_NoGain_9]

Hi Luschen,
Thank you so much for your help!! Yes, I agree with your point that my arguments were not convincing enough.
I am honored to hear the praise for my use of life/live. I saw your post about it somewhere and learnt from it!