please rate my essay...

Hello kitosdad and tutorphil…I hope this time ,u ll c some improvemnets with my punctuations…
Topic:some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things,others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.

Some people think adverstising can be a reminder of a new product being sold in the market,on the contrary some may think that advertisements encourage them to buy things they don’t need.I think,both of the ideas can be true in some ways.

We are living in a competitive world,where money is like blood cells.All businesses want to beat the competition and win the market share.Without adverstising ,none of them can introduce themselves,evenif their products are outstanding.It is said that” doing a business without advertising is like winking at a beautiful girl in the dark”.So it is essential for all the businesses to stop winking in the dark so as to gain profit and have the most prestigious title .They need to show their product so interesting and exaggerate about their products.A good example of this exaggeration is by looking at the shampoo products from different brands like Dove,Sunsilk.While watching them On TV,they show beautiful,silky,shiny and thick hair ,that all of us dream about having it. So ,we spend our money and never get that type of hair!Hence,the main purpose of advertising is not to make a creative or an interesting product that meets the requirements of the customers ,but to make it profitable.

However,we have to keep this in mind that,advertising has some advantages.For example,an electronic cooking device that can do multiple tasks.By watching these products on TV,a person can get to know what is there in the market ,instead of visiting all the shops to find whether there is such a product in the market to meet their requirements or not.

By and large,advertising can be very benefitial for both customers and businesses provided that the companies don’t exaggerate about their products in order to only gain profit ;and advertise the things that exactly reflect the quality of their products .Else,It is the customers’ responsibility to think wisely while buying a product.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Ben Franklin’s life does the speaker mainly discuss?

Some people think adverTIsing can be a reminder of a new product being sold in the market(.) On the contrary(.) Some may think that advertisements encourage them to buy things they don’t need.I think,both of the ideas can be true in some ways.

We are living in a competitive world,where money is like blood cells.All businesses want to beat the competition and win A GREATER market share.Without advertising ,none of them can introduce themselves,even if their products are outstanding.It is said that
” doing a business without advertising is like winking at a beautiful girl in the dark”.So it is essential for all the businesses to stop winking in the dark so as to gain profitS and have the most prestigious title .They need to show their product IS so interesting and exaggerate about their products.A good example of this exaggeration is by looking at the shampoo products from different brands like Dove,Sunsilk.While watching them On TV,they show beautiful,silky,shiny and thick hair ,that all of us dream about having it. So ,we spend our money and never get that type of hair!Hence,the main purpose of advertising is not to make a creative or an interesting product that meets the requirements of the customers ,but to make it profitable.

However,we have to keep this in mind; that advertising has some advantages.For example,an electronic cooking device that can do multiple tasks.By watching these products on TV,a person can get to know what is there in the market ,instead of visiting all the shops to find whether there is such a product in the market to meet their requirements or not.

By and large,advertising can be very benefiCial for both customers and businesses provided that the companies do NOT exaggerate about their products in order to only gain profit ;and advertise the POINTS that exactly reflect the quality of their products. It is the customers’ responsibility to think wisely while BEFORE buying a product.

Whatever happened to your promise of improving your punctuation Leenda? Although your essay was pretty good, your punctuation is worse. Go to Google and do some research, better still, go to Tutorphil.com and see how to master this technique.

Kitos. 8/10

well in fact,i gave it a search on the net…I thought ,this time i did better…I focused so much on punctuation that i made some silly mistakes in my essay…little bit disappoined ,but i’ ll try again .:slight_smile:

Look Leenda, it is so easy. Just leave a space after the last letter in a word where you want to show a pause, or after a full stop as I have shown here. See how easy it is? Now check your own writing. See the difference?