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What would you change about your Hometown?

Today, is the era of rapid development and globalization. The small towns are transforming into big cities with the development of infrastructure. There is always a sphere of improvement at every place regardless to its size and location. I live in a small town in India and I want to “radically” change some of the things which I see indispensable for a better living.

First of all, I would like make “new roads” for my hometown. Most of the roads are dilapidated. Big cracks are developed in them and only few patches in the roads are smooth. This leads to a lot of problems. For example; the vehicles have to be tuned frequently, tyres are worn out in few months. Uneven roads are more prone to accidents.
Sometimes bikes slips in ditches. During rainy seasons, water stagnates in these ditches which further aggravates the conditions of the roads. Standing water, acts as a breeding house for mosquitoes and insects which eventually causes diseases. Making new roads and flyovers would substantially reduce traffic on roads. This would prevent chaos and pollution in environs. The city would become clean and better managed. So new roads would ensure a smooth life of natives of my town.

Second, I would like to improve “educational facilities” in my town. Education is the doorway to prosperity and well being of any society. At present, youth of our town have to go to distant places to get their higher education. I would like to make new colleges and universities in my town. On one front, it would increase the “access to education” to the people of my hometown, secondly it would generate new ventures for “business and employment”. In this way it would shoot two birds with one stone. Moreover, the lower middle class would be able to bear the expense of education in their native town. Education at present, is unattainable for them due to high living cost of urban cities which possess educational institutes. More young people would get involved in professions like law, medicine, engineering, etc, thereby increasing skilled labor of our country. So better education facilities are of utmost importance to my town.

At last, I would like to open some “recreational zones” like Malls, shopping complex, amusement parks etc. For the comprehensive development, it is necessary to have some places where people can refresh themselves. An entertaining place like a mall would be sight for family fun, at weekends children and parents could get a break from their monotonous schedule. At present, my town has no such means of recreation. People, usually get bored on their weekends. A mall would have many things like cafeteria, music shops, clothes outlets etc under one roof. This would be shopping more comfortable than the conventional conurbations where most markets exists.

In nut shell, I would try to improve the whole infrastructure: roads, educational facilities and recreational zones for a holistic development of my home town that would provide citizens a comfortable life

TOEFL listening lectures: Who are not included as members of the Underground Railroad?

Hey, Sumantgrover,

Nice work. You have three good supporting sections for your thesis, and they are distinct and clear.

Now, your thesis statement could be improved. It should state your main point and enumerate the reasons why you think it’s true. For example:

In order to make my hometown more modern I would improve it in three ways. First, I would build new roads. Second, I would improve the educational facilities. And finally, I would create recreational zones.

You see, Sumantgrover, this way you get straight to the point and help the reader understand what you’re trying to convey quickly and easily.

Hope this helps,

What would you change about your Hometown?

Today, is the era of rapid development and globalization. The small towns are transforming into big cities with the development of THEIR infrastructure. There is always a sphere of improvement at every place regardless OF its size and location. I live in a small town in India and I want to “radically” change some of the things which I FEEL indispensable for a better living.

First of all, I would like make “new roads” for my home-town. Most of the roads are dilapidated. Big cracks HAVE developed in them and only A few PARTS OF the roads are smooth. This HAS LED to a lot of problems. For example; the vehicles have to be tuned frequently, tyres are worn out in few months. Uneven roads are more prone to accidents.
Sometimes bikes slips inTO ditches. During rainy seasons, water stagnates in these ditches which further aggravates the conditions of the roads. Standing water, acts as a breeding house for mosquitoes and insects which eventually causes diseases. Making new roads and flyovers would substantially reduce traffic on roads. This would prevent chaos and pollution in environs. The city would become clean and better managed. So new roads would ensure a smooth life of natives of my town.

Second, I would like to improve “educational facilities” in my town. Education is the doorway to prosperity and well being of any society. At present, youth of our town have to go to distant places to get their higher education. I would like to make new colleges and universities in my town. On one front, it would increase the “access to education” to the people of my home-town, secondly it would generate new ventures for “business and employment”. In this way it would KILL two birds with one stone. Moreover, the lower middle class would be able to bear the expense of education in their native town. Education at present, is unattainable for them due to THE high living cost of urban cities which possess educational institutes. More young people would get involved in professions like law, medicine, engineering, etc, thereby increasing skilled labor of our country. So better education facilities are of utmost importance to my town.

At last, I would like to open some “recreational zones” like Malls, shopping complex, amusement parks etc. For the comprehensive development, it is necessary to have some places where people can refresh themselves. An entertaining place like a mall would be A sight for family fun(.) At weekends children and parents could get a break from their monotonous schedule. At present, my town has no such means of recreation. People usually get bored on their weekends. A mall would have many things like cafeteriaS, music shops, clothes outlets etc under one roof. This would MAKE shopping more comfortable than the conventional conurbations where most markets exists.

In A nut shell, I would try to improve the whole infrastructure: roads, educational facilities and recreational zones for a holistic development of my home town, that would provide citizens a comfortable life
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Again, another good essay. Now you are blossoming into a really good writer.

Kitos. 9/10

It is an privilege to get feedbacks from professional coaches like you . I would try to implement what you have told me. I owe a lot top this forum.

Regards
Sumant Grover