Please rate my essay for toefl

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Money is an important aspect of everyone’s life, it is necessary to satisfy our need and our family member’s need. Therefore we all do jobs, or run a business. Some people believe that businesses should do anything that can make a profit, however I disagree with them. I believe that we should consider our worker, customers, and the community we live in. We should not deceive this people in order to make a profit.

To begin with, I feel that we should think about our workers and our colleagues before make any decision about our business. We all want to run a successful business, and it is important to make a huge profit for a successful business. However I believe that we should think about our worker because our decision can affect them. If we do not ask them, accept a huge project, and force them to do work, some of them may live our company. We do not able to do our work without them. I also feel that we should give them some part of money from the profit. By doing this, we can get workers’ trust, and this makes them happy, and then they will work enthusiastically for our company.

In addition, we should think about our customers. Our business runs successfully because of them, we never forget this. To making a profit, we should not break their trust. Honesty is important at this time. If we exploit them, take their money, and not give good products in return, they are not going to trust us for a long time. By doing this, we can succeed in our business, but our success will be for a short duration. These customers will not buy our products, and our company will be closed in a few days.

Finally, I think that we should donate some part of our profit to our community. I feel that everyone should give his contribution to his community because community provide us helpful resources to do our business such as customers, workers and so on. We can give our contribution by doing anything. We can make a small park for children or we can make a school for the children of our worker. Thus we should give some part of our money to our community also.

To sum it up, some executives think that in order to make a profit, they should do anything, however I believe that we should consider our workers, customers, and our community before doing any thing. I believe that they should also get a profit from our business.

Thank you.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university professor and a student in the professor’s office

Hi Jatkin, you have written an excellent essay. I really liked how you organized your essay by the various groups affected by the business. Your examples were very detailed and your paragraphs have good development. Your vocabulary could be a bit more complex and you have some repetition in words and phrases. You aslo have some minor grammatical errors here and there. Still, overall I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you sir. I really appreciate your help.