Please rate my essay for toefl

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspaper, magazines, and other media pay too much attentions to personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

Media is an important source to keep us updated. They discover latest news about inventions, economical success and crises, and even personal lives of celebrities, which we do not know. However I think that television, newspaper, magazines, and other media pay too much attentions to personal lives of famous people such as actors, politicians, sports man and so on. Sometimes they discover some personal events related to lives of celebrities and famous people that they did when they were young. They publicize this news to entertain us, however I feel that by doing this, media affects their personal and professional lives.

To begin with, media always try to find out past events of celebrities and report this news in public. For example, news about someone took drugs when they was young or someone was a reckless driver who did a bad accident in the past. Although he is a reputed person or famous celebrity now, he has to give explanations about his past event in front of media. I feel that it is an inappropriate to dug up events related to the past lives of these celebrities for entertainment purpose.

In addition, media say that public has the right to know about personal lives of celebrities. It is our right to know that someones had extramarital affairs or someone had not pay back the money that he owed. I think these are personal matters; we respect the privacy of ordinary people, so we should do the same with the famous people.

Finally, media report personal events of lives of famous people without considering the results. By reporting their personal affairs, they can ruin their personal lives; it can affect the lives of their family members mainly their children. Their lives, reputation and credibility could be ruined before they can prove that the rumors are false. Their entire career can be ruined by the rumors that is reported in the media.

To sum it up, having details of personal life reported in public have all sort of negative consequences. Ordinary people do not have to suffer this sort of attention, and therefore, I do not see any reason why celebrities should either.

Thank you

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the lecturer mention Leonardo da Vinci?

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Hi, I think you did a pretty good job on this essay. Your writing is clear and well-organized with good reasons and examples that address the prompt. You do have a lot of small errors this one though - articles, verb conjugations, and a some others, as well as some repetition and a few phrases that are not put together quite right. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

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HI,
It seems that I almost forgot the use of articles in grammar. I have one question. I do not know where we use lives of celebrities and celebrities’ lives. Similarly, people’s lives or lives of people. Please guide me in this. Thank you.

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Hi, I don’t know of any fixed rules for when to use “lives of celebrities” vs “celebrities’ lives”. They are pretty much interchangeable. To me, “people’s lives” seems more natural in more contexts than “lives of people”. You seemed to have used the correct format in your essay - it is probably a good idea to use both usages to avoid repetition and give your writing some variety.

5

thank you so much.