PLEASE rate MY ESSAY for ielts GRAMMAR AND VACOBULARY / THANK YOU

[Ferhatat]

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Nowadays, where ever we turn our gaze we can see unsatisfied person. Because they lose their valuable time with work. Moreover their work’s life don’t require enough facilities to them. There are many reasons which are related to job satisfaction such as payment, work hours, interaction between colleagues.

First and the most important factor is a payment system. Most of company in the World have an inequal system about wages. According to researches done by İstanbul University , 6 in 10 employee think that they don’t get enough fee for their work performance. This common belief causes an unsatisfied worker. Also the work hours is not regulated. Some of employee work 8 hours a day , but the others even 11 hours in a day. Unfortuneatly they have exactly same fee at the end of the month.

Secondly everyworker should have enough leisure time to interact their family members or friends. İt is necessary to have some kind of hobby for every worker.Also companies must have activity centre where their employees chat and play some educated games such as chess.

To sum up , it is ironic that all workers get satisfied in their job becaus of different expectation. Furthermore there is a huge gap between the companies about fees. I strongly believe that both workers and companies must do certain things about this issue. They should discuss about their needs and find a useful solution urgently.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this meeting?

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is pretty good in this essay. You have some grammatical mistakes, but overall your essay is pretty understandable. I don’t think you have addressed the prompt as clearly as you might have though. You cover the first point somewhat, but I don’t think you have addressed whether job satisfaction for all workers is a reasonable expectation. Mainly due to this and your usage errors, I would rate this essay a band 5.

@Ferhatat

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Nowadays, where ever{one word} we turn our gaze we can see unsatisfied person[people]. Because they lose their valuable time with work. {this is not a complete sentence} Moreover their work’s life do[es not] require enough facilities to them.{this sentence is unclear to me} There are many reasons{“reasons” does not really make sense here} which are related to job satisfaction such as payment, work hours, [and] interaction between colleagues. {this thesis is confusing to me in the context of your introduction}

First and the most important factor is a payment system.{“payment system” sounds odd} Most of company[s ] in the World{no caps} have an inequal system about [for] wages. According to researches done by İstanbul University , 6 in 10 employee[s ] think that they don’t get enough fee{“fee” is incorrect, say “pay” or “salary”} for their work performance. This common belief causes an unsatisfied worker. Also the work hours is[are] not regulated. Some of employee[s ] work 8 hours a day , but the others [work] even 11 hours in a day. Unfortuneatly {sp} they have [the] exactly same fee[paycheck] at the end of the month.

Secondly everyworker{two words} should have enough leisure time to interact [with] their family members or friends. İt is necessary to have some kind of hobby for every worker.Also companies must have [an] activity centre where their employees chat and play some educat[ional] games such as chess.

To sum up , it is ironic that all workers get satisfied in their job becaus[e ] of different expectation[s ].{this does not seem ironic to me} Furthermore there is a huge gap between the companies about fees.{this sounds awkward} I strongly believe that both workers and companies must do certain things about this issue. {what should they do? You have not really given any suggestions} They should discuss about their needs and find a useful solution urgently.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this meeting?