Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
There is a debate what my school should spend money, In my perspective, my school should spend on building a new own gym and ground. It is because my school dose not have them, in spite of belonging many excellent athletes.
To begin with, my school usually lents a near gym and ground for practice. However, it costs huge money for several years. Even if my school built our gym and ground, it would be getting less to cost. If it has enough money to construct them and it builds them, my school will save a lot pf money that is payed for lending them.
In addition, although, there are a lot of athletes that may become professional, we do not have enough gym and ground to be satisfied with students. They often win the championship among the region schools and my school gains a lot of fame, money, and attention. Then there are going to increase entering students, at last my school will get plenty of money.
Moreover, there are many students who want to play sports but they can not play it. It is because there are no space that they can play sports bue to many athletes always use it. Students who want to play sports and are not good at playing it, have no oppotunities to attempt a new sports. It wastes students’ dreams that they want to become a professional athlete.
In conclusion, my school has recieved a gift for money, they should built a new own gym and ground.
Hi, your essay was not too bad. I think your introduction was pretty good, but make sure to mention that this money is a gift that could be spent on anything and you are saying what you think it should be spent on. Most of your body paragraphs started off pretty good, but had some unclear sentences towards the end. I think your ideas and examples were generally relevant, but my lack of understanding of some points reduced their effectiveness. You have a lot of grammatical errors, a limited vocabulary, and a lot of repetition. Overall, I would rate this a 2.5 out of 5.
Third paragraph
“They often win the championship among the region[al] schools and my school gains a lot of fame, money, and attention. Then there are going to increase entering students, at last my school will get plenty of money.” means that a school team will win the championship among the regional schools. Then the winner will obtain the fame and so on.→ Students who want to enter the school will increase.→ A lot of students will take the entrance examination which costs some miney.→ The school will gain a much more amount of money than last year. Therefore, the school will get a huge amount of money.
I wanted to say this.
Forth paragraph
“It wastes students’ dreams that they want to become a professional athlete.” means that Students who is not good at playing sports do not have any chances to attempt new sports. Therefore it will ruin?,spoil?,make a mess of? dreams that students want to become an athlete.