Please rate for my essay!

Topic: Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Do u agree or disagree with the statement?
As the technology came along, the inventions of technological equipments has changed our lives dramatically. One of the most important invention in the world is the television, which served many types of people. But, unfortunately, it has destroyed communication among friends and family. Although television has many advantages in providing us better ways to access information and entertainment, it can harm our lives in many different aspects. The reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
With the advent of satellite television and introduction of hundreds channels, it is easier for us to access news, information, one can just sit in front of the screen, knowing the lastest news by a few buttons. It would be beneficial if we spent a limited or specific amount of time watching television. However, watching too much TV can damage communication among people and the truth is that we no longer modify the time we spend for television. The more time you spend on television, the less time you have for family and friends because once you started watching a program or a series, you will find it is very hard to pull away from it. As a result, people talk less to each other and gradually lose interest in communicating.
Additionally, watching TV can also harm our ability in communication. When we sit in front of the screen, we can talk to the television but it can not reply us. Watching too much TV is the same thing as sitting alone and talking to yourself. This might make us to be eccentric and don’t want to contact with the others. A good example for this is my little brother, he used to get addicted to television. For a long time, he can’t talk to anyone or express irritation because he didn’t find the right words.
Another thing that watching too much TV can be harmful for is the children’s communication with family and friends. Children can be easily affected by the violent scene or supernatural things on TV because they are not mature enough to understand which one is right or wrong. The result are that the children might not obey their parents, they want to act like heroes or talk to others like what they heard on TV. In school, where the child may find someone who share the same interest, instead of discussing about home work or sport, they will always talk about violence, fight, duels. Although there are contacts between the children, the relationships are not good.
Thus, doing too much things are not always good. Television would be beneficial to our lives if we use it in a proper way.

TOEFL listening discussions: Two seminar classmates discussing their classwork

Hi Duongandy, you have done a very good job on this essay. You have an excellent structure, although one of your topic sentences could be better. You have a pretty good vocabulary and most of your writing is clear and convincing. You do have some poor word choices, incorrect verb tenses, add unnatural sounding phrase here and there. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Thanhks a lot for your help. I’ve just finished this essay. I hope with your help my writing skills will be better.
I’ll take the TOEFL exam within next four months.

Topic: Food had become easier to be prepared? Do u think it worsens or improves our lives?
As the world industry develops, the food industry has improved also, providing us many innovations that change the way we eat and prepare for meals. These changes are easier ways to cook, which from my point of view, have brought us more disadvantages than advantages in our lifestyle.
One of the disadvantages is bad influence on our health. Nowadays, people are forced to work more to pursue their goal that they don’t have much time for basic needs such as eating, relaxing, entertainment.For example, office clerks have meals at their desks, housewives can save lots of time to work and care for the children by reducing the amount of time preparing for meals. It takes less than ten minutes to cook dinner with frozen food or to order a pizza from a restaurant. These kinds of food are convinent and less time-consuming but they contain a lot of fat, cholesterol which cause obesity and diabetes in many American people. Although food has become easier to prepare, many types of it harm our health.
Another disadvantage is that people rely so much on these easy food that they have lost the fun of cooking. Because people have less time to cook, the tradidional meals in which family members gather and enjoy time together have now become rare. A good example for this is my family, my parents both work for an international bank and they devote most of their time at the office. On these rare occasions they are at home before eight in the evening, we often spend hours in the kitchen, prepare meals together and I feel happier than ever.
Finally,it is not worth trying to save time by eating fast food but resulting in health problem. People are living faster than before. To prepare for a meal all you need to do is just buy frozen food in the supermarket, put them into the microwave and the meal is now ready. However, these preserved food have taken away the natural taste and benefits of fresh food from our life. We are now eating food added with flavors and preservatives which can harm our own health. Although one can save more time to make more money, the result of eating these food are ending up for medical treatment which cost him even more than what he earned.
For these reasons, I believe that the changes in the way food is prepared have worsened our lives.Not only people’s health is worse than before but also the true quality of food is lost.