Please, Luschen, check my Personal statement

Dear Luschen, please give me your advice on my Personal Statement. I am going to apply to American university in Italy. Any corrections (grammatical, structural and other) are appreciated. I erased the name of University in order to avoid advertisement :slight_smile: Thank you in advance!

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to introduce my candidacy as a degree-seeking student at __________University in Rome. Thanks to the Education USA fair that was held in Moscow last year, I managed to get a lot of useful information on great opportunities that your University provides for an international students. Additionally, owing to wonderful recommendations of Education USA Moscow Advising center, that, I believe, is in the close collaboration with your University, I definitely chose _____ University as the place where I would like to continue my education for a few reasons.

First and foremost, it is well-known that American and Russian educational systems have different approaches in learning process. As a person, who studied at two Russian universities, I highly appreciate the idea of debate and sharing ideas in class that is a distinctive feature of American education and, unfortunately, is rare in Russian Universities. What is more, I would like to experience other aspects of an American-life learning environment such as writing analytical papers and conducting original research and, of course, to get to know more about American culture and traditions and improve my English communication skills. Consequently, the most natural and effective way to achieve all these mentioned goals is to study in an American University, namely in _____________University.
Additionally, I have already obtained an excellent background knowledge in the field of law (I hold a Russian diploma of specialist of law and now is getting master degree in law) that I would like to expand into adjacent fields such as international business or international affairs. It will help me to bring my lore and experience on an international level, to understand modern inter-connected community and as result to become a well-rounded specialist. Since ___ University offers several wonderful majors on the above-mentioned areas my choice of university for a further education is made. It completely coincides with my personal and professional objectives and field of interest. So, I expect my study there will be very informative and fascinating. I believe that I have all necessary skills and qualification for that. And I hope that my great desire to study, diligence and positive mind will help me to succeed in the studies.
I also want to learn more about Italian culture, economy and everyday life, to develop my skills in Italian. I was in Italy twice, including in Rome, and I promised to myself to return there one day as a student. It is obviously, that _____ University, located in the heart of Italian capital, provides unique opportunity for that. Moreover, the communication with _______ University students all around the world gives the opportunity for American-European cross cultural exchange that helps to broaden the world view horizons and to develop.
So, I can highlight my current personal and professional growth - to get more expanded knowledge of conducting business not from only legal angle, but also from a multifaceted international aspect for its best implementation for the development of my own country and the international communication as a whole. I know my intentions may seem ambitious but I hope to realize them with the help of _____ University.

Yours sincerely,

TOEFL listening lectures: To which entertainment does the lecturer not relate Greek drama?

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Hi Primavera, your writing is pretty good in this statement. Your ideas are clear, but this might not be specific enough. I don’t really feel that I know much about your background or qualifications. And the actual program you want to enter sounds a little vague too - I guess something involving international studies or business? Try to give more details about how your background and experience qualifies you for this program, the specific aspects of the program that attract you (you have done a good job talking about why you like this school in regards to its teaching philosophy and location} and exactly what your plans are for the future and how this program will help you meet those goals.

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Thank you, Luschen, for all your corrections! I hope now my statement is close to an ideal :slight_smile: I was advised not to write about specific program so in case of enrollment I can choose and decide what program is better and close to my specialty. It sounds like a real spirit of American liberty. Hope it will work.

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