please Luschen check and rate my essay. Is 27 possible?-one week left.

[Armann]

Many people believe that it is better to do something that they are familiar with, and avoid doing new works, which might involve risks. In fact, there is some truth in their opinion, because they do not like risk and loose time, money, and other properties. On the other hand, these people fail to consider advantages of new works and just exaggerate the disadvantages. Personally speaking, I would be one of those who argue that life without risk and experience new things is nothing. Taking risk has many many advantages in anyone’s life. In short, It helps people to understand life better, to discover valuable opportunities, and to enjoy life.

In the first place, constantly experience new works and new places in long run makes you someone else who is more mature and has a vast wisdom. Many philosophers believe that a person is nothing but his or her experiences. On the other hand, If someone always trace a routine life and does not do anything new, then he or she remains the same in all his or her life, and remaining constant is in contrast with the nature of life, which is attached to growing and changing all the time. In fact in today world avoiding of stagnation and having the agility is a key point in successes.

In the second place, discovering new chances is a gain which you obtain when you take the risk of new things. Obviously those who always try to do new things and to meet new people has more chance to fulfill their potential talents. My personal experiences in college and university serve as a good example here. As a shy teenager, I always hesitate to meet new people and do new works such as attend sport team, do extra activities and etc. I thought that being a college student is equal to studying all the time. Therefore, when facing a problem, I did not have some friends who could help me. I soon realized that studying alone is not enough, and having a good relationship is even more important. In addition I found that college or university is a place where a student can find his or her abilities and know himself or herself better. Therefore, in university I changed my way and start to communicate with more people and try to do new activities. As a result more opportunities in context of friendship, education and work came to me.

Last but not least, doing always same thing and avoiding to take risk of new activities make people life drab and boring. I believe that there is no pleasure in the routine life, but there is vast amount in breaking the routine. In my opinion those who do not like doing new things have not discovered this kind of pleasure yet, but immediately after realizing this, they change their way of lives and start to take risks.

Taking into consideration all the points I have enumerated above, we may safely come to the conclusion that taking risks of new works can change people life in a positive way. It can affect their understanding of life, help them to fining new chances, and make them happier in life.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an Art History class

[Armann]

Oh, sorry. I forgot to write the topic. Here is the topic:
Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is pretty good. I don’t think you are quite at a 27 yet though - more like 24-25. Your overall structure is good and your vocabulary is probably adequate, although you misused and overused “works” But you have a lot of minor errors in singular/plural, verb tenses, and sentence structure, that tend to add up to diminish your score. Your writing is clear though and your examples are relevant, but perhaps could be more specific and personal. Like I said, I would rate this a 4 out of 5, though you are not that far from your goal.

@Armann

Many people believe that it is better to do something that they are familiar with, and avoid doing new works[work] {or “tasks” or probably better: “taking on new challenges”}, which might involve risks. In fact, there is some truth in their opinion, because they do not like risk and loose[lose] time, money, and other properties{“properties” sounds odd here, like you are talking about real estate}. On the other hand, these people fail to consider [the] advantages of new works[opportunities] and just exaggerate the disadvantages. Personally speaking, I would be one of those who argue that life without risk and experienc[ing] new things is nothing. Taking risk[s ] has many many advantages in[for] anyone’s life. In short, It helps people to understand life better, to discover valuable opportunities, and to enjoy life.

In the first place, constantly experienc[ing] new works[career challenges] and new places[environments] in long run makes you [in the long run] someone else{“a new person” is better} who is more mature and has a vast wisdom. Many philosophers believe that a person is nothing but his or her experiences. On the other hand, If someone always trace[s ] a {“the same old” is better than “a”} routine life and does not do anything new, then he or she remains the same in[throughout] all his or her life, and remaining constant is in contrast with the nature of life, which is attached {“attached” sounds a bit odd here} to growing and changing all the time. In fact in today['s] world avoiding of stagnation and having the agility is a key point in successes.{are key points? seems like two}

In the second place, discovering new chances is a gain[benefit] which you obtain when you take the risk of new things.{risk of doing what to new things? attempting them maybe?} Obviously those who always try to do new things and to meet new people ha[ve] more chance to fulfill their potential talents. My personal experiences in college and university serve as a good example here. As a shy teenager, I always hesitate [was hesitant] to meet new people and do new works[face new challenges] such as attend [joining a] sport[s ] team, do[ing] extra activities and etc. {avoid abbreviations} I thought that being a college student is[was] equal to studying all the time. Therefore, when facing a problem, I did not have some{“any” is better here} friends who could help me. I soon realized that studying alone is not enough, and having a good relationship is even more important. In addition I found that college or university is a place where a student can find his or her abilities and know himself or herself better. Therefore, in university I changed my way[s ] and start[ed] to communicate with more people and try to do new activities. As a result more opportunities in [the] context of friendship, education and work came to me.

Last but not least, doing always [doing the] same thing and avoiding to tak[ing] [the] risk of [trying] new activities make people['s] li[ves] drab and boring. I believe that there is no pleasure in the routine life, but there is [a] vast amount in breaking the routine. In my opinion[,] those who do not like doing new things have not discovered this kind of pleasure yet, but immediately after realizing this, they change their way[s ] of lives[life] and start to take risks.

Taking into consideration all the points I have enumerated above, we may safely come to the conclusion that taking risks of new works[in one’s work] can change people['s] li[ves] in a positive way. It can affect their understanding of life, help them to fin[d ] new chances, and make them happier in life.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an Art History class

[Armann]

Thank you so much. You are so generous Luschen.

[Nastaran1990]

Hi Arman, when is your exam? mine is 22 dec. yours too?