Please help to check my TOEFL essay. Many thanks

Many people have close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats or others animal as family members. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use the specific detail and example to support your answer?
In early time, human learn to domesticate wild animals for some purposes. Some animal were raised for food such as chicken or pig, others were raised for protecting house or taking advantage from their strength. Gradually, these animals are not an mere animal, they become a family member. Their owners treat them as close as true friends. I express my support attitude because of following arguments.
First and foremost, when we play with pets regularly , they will become our loyal friends. How many times we heard the emotional story about the brave and loyal dog that saved its owner’s life in earthquake by showing for the rescue team the place of its owner. My personal experience also makes me have a good feeling to have a pet is that this could be an effective way for me to unwind all my stress of the working day. I usually take my lovely dog to walk with me in the park in the evening, he always plays around me has some funny gestures to make me laugh. Not only me, I also see many people with their pet in park and all of them feel very happy beside their pet.
Another reason that I support for the close relationship with pets is that we can use pets as an example to educate for the children about loving animal and nature. Since children haven’t come to school and pet is the only friend in their family beside their parent, they will become more sympathetic with people around them if they are learnt to love at very early stage of their life. Moreover, children living and playing with an animal will be more aware of not harm animals around them because they are easy to learn that other species not including human can be their friends.
To sum up, even though some people claim that raising up pets in their house may mess up their house or spend some amount of money, I think that it will provide with practical benefits such as becoming our friends and playing as interesting role for children’s education. Therefore each household should raise one kind of pets in their house.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

Hi Hang, you have written another good essay. I thought you raised some interesting points and your examples provided a lot of support. Your writing is generally very clear, but you do have some minor problems with sentence structures and word choice that make parts of your essay sound a bit unnatural. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Thank you Luschen, I found that my writing skill are better day by day because of your enthusiasm. Many thanks and good luck!