Please help my check and rate my essay. Thank you very much.

Dear Luschen,
Please help me checking my essay. Your rate very essential to me. Thank you in advance.

Topic 80: Describe a custom from your country that you want others from other country. Explain your choice

Cultural customs are very important not only for maintenance tradition of a country but also for development of individuals. If I have a choice to introduce one of custom from my country to foreign friends to follow, I would introduce the three-generation family tradition that contributes a significant part in my life

To begin with, material cares from children and grandchildren certain to help improve health of elders. It is undeniable that grandparents are not strong enough to take care themselves well. For example, my grandmother has trouble with going on foot. She is too old to go up and down stairs. Fortunately, my family members and I do everything help my grand move more easily. Each of us always gives her special attention originating from familial love that no other helper can give. As a result, I believe that only by living with my parents and me, my grandmother can be taken care lovingly and genuinely

In term of education, children who live in three-generation family stand a golden chance to take traditional lessons from their grandparents. Needless to say, grandparents are people. When I was young, I very like stories and fables that my grandmother told me every night before I felt into sleep. There are many stories I will never forget. Sometime, I can apply them as lessons to deal with dilemma in life. I deeply perceive that stories from my grandmother have positive affectation in my growth. They contribute partly to establishment my morality.

As demonstrated in healing family relationship, three-generation family creates excellent opportunities to help family members understand each other deeply, especially between grandparents and grandchildren. Due to the differences from generation to generation, children often have different thoughts from those of their grandparents and easily feel strange to their grandparents. Luckily, in my family, each member has enough understandings to each other through daily stories. I know about difficulties of my grandparent’s live and my grandparents also understand about my modern life. In this way, three-generation family is ideal place to make family member closely.

In conclusion, health improvement of grandparents, value lessons for children and cultivation relationship of family members are convincing reasons for my favor of three-generation family. I highly recommend that sons and daughters should take my writing as an advice to adopt their methods of looking after their parents.

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student probably do with her next paper?

Hi Hanglib, I thought you did a very good job with this one. I think your essay is quite convincing and includes many relevant and detailed examples. Your writing is clear throughout, though you do have some problems with preposition use, article, and some other sentence structure issues. You also have a few word choices that could be improved. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.