Please help me with my Writing Task 2 - Topic: Career

Hi Mr Luschen, could you score my essay and give me some comments to improve it. Thank you very much for your time ^^

Topic: It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy the job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

It is true that career plays an integral part in human life, especially in the modern times. Some people argue that people should resign from an unsatisfying job even leading them to be jobless rather than keep following an unenjoyable occupation. Personally, I totally disagree with this view.

On the one hand, becoming out of work can bring about several drawbacks to a person in long term. Firstly, remaining unemployed in a long time can conduce to one’s financial hardship as they will no longer receive a monthly salary, which can help her/him meet human basic need. Moreover, long-term idleness is likely to exacerbate self-discipline regarded as detrimental to people’s career. Last but not least, mental health problems is believed to be a prevalent consequence caused by lingering unemployment. There is no doubt that one might be worried and under a great deal of pressure when being jobless, especially once comparing themselves to their fellows.

Nevertheless, doing an unpleasant job turns out providing individuals with various benefits. One of the main advantages of being employed is to ensure one’s financial health. In fact, going to work means that one can periodically earn an amount of money helping cover his/her living expense. Furthermore, remaining an enjoyable occupation seems to improve a worker’s endurance as well as patience that usually considered as essential qualities for human to achieve success in life. Finally, keep unpleasantly working can be a positive inducement for the employee to exert himself/herself to land her dream job.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that unemployment can bring about numerous drawbacks to people. Personally, I personally feel that people should staying employed is more beneficial even though they do not gain their satisfaction in the job.


Hi Dan, I think you addressed this prompt very well. I liked your format in giving the disadvantages of being unemployed and the (very creative I think) advantages of working at a less than ideal job. Your writing was clear, but I have still made some corrections and suggestions to make your sentences sound more natural:


Thank you very much for your tireless support, TJ. :muscle:


Hi Mr Luschen,
Honestly, I have to admit that I tried a bit to use the thesaurus to improve my lexical range, but it turns out that I misused it in some phrases T.T
Thank you very much for your time. I really appreciate that ^^