Please Help Me! How can I improve my writing skill for Toefl exam?

Here is one of my essays in the independent question:
Would you please evaluate this essay for me?
How can I improve my writing skill?
Title: some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or home off campus. Which do you prefer?

Students have different ideas about the place where they live during their education. Some of them prefer dormitory life and some others think that living off campus is better. I think that each of these have some advantages and disadvantages.

Students can meet different people in dormitory. They can improve their relationship with different kind of people while they are educating. This will make them ready for their future life because students have to deal with different people after they get a job. Also it is a good opportunity for the students to find some good friends in dormitory. I have a very close friend now. We became familiar with each other when we lived in dormitory.

Living on campus provides many amenities for students. For instance, the university usually makes library for campus. There are parking, bus services, restaurants and many other services on campus for students. Also campus is always near university therefore students can get to the university in a short period of time. In this way, students would be able to spend most of their time studying.

Another advantage of living in dormitory is studying together. Students would be able to review their courses in groups. They spend most of their time together so they would be able to work on common projects together. These team works are very useful to students. They can improve their different skills by working as a member of the group. Sometime the results of these groups is amazing.

However living in campus may have several disadvantages. Some students say that they cannot study in dormitory, because there are three or four persons in a room. They prefer to have an independent room for their selves. They think that campus is very crowded and noisy and this disturbs their study.

Students in dormitory have to obey some rules. Some students do not feel convenient with these rules. For example, they like to get back home whenever they like. They think that it is unbearable to always adapt their selves to the campus situation.

With considering all the point which are mentioned above, I believe that advantages of living on campus are more that its disadvantages. I think that living in campus is a really worthwhile experience for students. I have many good memories from my living in dormitory, I never forget these memories.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in a chemistry class

Hi, your writing is not too bad. I think your essay has a good structure, but for this type of TOEFL question it is better to pick one side or the other unless they specifically say “give the benefits of both” or “compare both”. Your writing is clear for the most part but your sentences are a bit simple and you need to use more transition words. You have some grammar and article problems and a few awkward sounding sentences. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.