Please help me correct my essay. Thank you very much ^^

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

If you could travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, what person would you like to meet? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

If I could travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, I would like to meet Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States and one of the greatest presidents in American history. He inspires me so strongly with his life and his personality that I always wish that I could meet him.

The first thing about A. Lincoln that impressed me was his ambition. Despite his humble background, Lincoln managed to become the most prominent president. When he was young, he had an overwhelming desire to make a difference and have significant impact on the government so he entered politics. During his early days, unfortunately, he experienced numerous and successive business and political setbacks. But, unlike most people, Lincoln did not give up and let any of these challenges discourage him from striving for his dreams. After reading his story about how he achieved his dream, I was empowered to overcome obstacles and go for my dreams.

Besides his ambition, Abraham Lincoln is also known as Honest Abe, which is the characteristic that I like the most about him. This nickname can be traced back to his early working life. One evening, when he realized that he had accidentally given back less than the correct amount of money to a customer, he walked a long distance just to return the money. Even when he was later the U.S president, he still remained honest and was respected for his virtue. An important lesson I can gain from his life is that the truth is not worth sacrificing for any gain, no matter how large that gain may have been, no matter whom you are or what you do.

All in all, it would be an exciting experience to meet him. I would like to know more about Lincoln because his stories and his personality are inspiring sources for me to live with my dream.

Quynh Trang

TOEFL listening lectures: Which fact is true of Edward O. Wilson?

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Wow, this is an excellent essay. There are not too many corrections or suggestions I can make. I like how you tied Lincoln’s lessons to your own life. I think it may be a bit short to get a perfect score; if you could add one more reason to make it a five paragraph essay that would surely do the trick. Your vocabulary is quite good, but there is still a bit of room for improvement there as well. Anyway, tremendous job , I would rate it a 4.5 out of 5.

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Thank you very much for your comment, Luschen. I wil consider your suggestions. By the way, I will be very grateful if you can take a look at my new essay :D. Thank you :slight_smile:

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

After high school, people have many choices for their life: they may further their education by going to college or university or they may find a job and start making money. But the former is preferable to choose. I think the following reasons make people choose to attend college or university.

First, they attend college to gain and enrich knowledge for their major. College will provide them academic subjects in an intellectual environment beyond the high school level. These academic subjects will not only prepare themselves for their future jobs but also broaden their horizons of world view through reading books, doing research, volunteering for charity, joining social clubs, taking internships, etc.

Second, during college time, they can have chances to enhance their technical and soft skills, which are required nowadays. These skills are important because they reflect how people apply what they learn and deal with problems in real situations, how they connect with other individuals to work effectively and so on. Obviously, college is an ideal place to sharpen these skills and develop their professional selves.

Besides knowledge and skills, they can meet a lot of people from various regions and widen their network of friends. Personally, I have met best friends who share the same ambition and hobby in university. Their different points of view have made me to consider everything objectively and cautiously; therefore, I gain valuable experience for my self- reflection.

Apart from the reasons above, I think people will find their own good reasons for attending college or university. To sum up, the benefit from it is so obvious that most people prefer getting through the gate of college or university to finding a job immediately after high school.

Quynh Trang

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If you don’t mind, could you post your essay as a new topic? I want to make sure as many learners as possible see your excellent essays.

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Yeah sure