Please help me check this essay, Luschen!

[Helias]

Topic: You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

Every country in the world has its own distinct properties; all of them carry their own religion, history and economy. Therefore, I must say that ever nation has its own beauty. However, aside from my homeland, Vietnam, there is no other country that can attract my attention greatly like New Zealand. I always be eager to visit it someday I have the opportunity to; let me explain why I love this nation that much.

First of all, since I was young, I have grown quite fond of enjoying the beauty of nature and New Zealand is the country that is suitable for me. This nation has the population density of about only 3 people per kilometer square; hence, there is less pollution than other countries. I imagine that the air is as clear as crystal so that I can see many stars in the sky at night, perhaps the Orion nebula. I love watching those satellites of Jupiter through telescope but I cannot because I live in an utterly polluted city-Saigon; i always want to be at some countryside at New Zealand to observe those objects. Furthermore, this place has a lot of beautiful landscape such as mountain, jungle and the beautiful wildlife. These things are often appear in my dream.

Secondly, I am a fan of Lord of the Rings. This encourages me to visit this country since it has been the place that fantasy film was shot. I hope someday I can go to sites such as the Hobbiton where hobbits live or the mountain that Boromir fell. I especially love the construction of Hobbiton, I have seen it in Youtube but have not had chance to see it in the real life yet. Also, I even hope that I can see members of the film-making facility, especially director Peter Jackson. They are currently in this country to make the second part of “The Hobbit.” If I am lucky, I would be able to be face-to-face with the director and ask him much about the making of my favorite film.

Finally, I always search for someone to speak English to and New Zealand has a lot. Since English is an important language in this country, I would be able to make friends with many students here and better my English skills. In addition, I also have some friends that I met in the Internet living in there; they are all English users. It is so wonderful for me to meet them in the real life.

To sum up, there is no words that can describe my great love toward New Zealand. If I am able to visit it someday, I could enjoy the beauty of nature, see interesting places which are background in my favorite film and also meet my friends to practice English. I am sick with the longing for a day that I will walk my first step in that place.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social science class (2)

[Luschen]

Hi Helias, I thought your essay was very good. It is very interesting and convincing - I certainly hope you get the chance to visit New Zealand - I spent a total of 4 hours in the Aukland airport if that counts . You do have some minor errors here and there, but your essay is very clear and understandable. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

@Helias

Topic: You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

Every country in the world has its own distinct properties; all of them carry their own religion, history and economy.{“economy” sounds odd in this list - maybe “culture”} Therefore, I must say that ever nation has its own beauty. However, aside from my homeland, Vietnam, there is no other country that can attract my attention greatly like {“attention to such an extent as” sounds better} New Zealand. I [have] always be[en] eager to visit it someday I[f] have the opportunity to; let me explain why I love this nation that much.

First of all, since I was young, I have grown quite fond of enjoying the beauty of nature and New Zealand is the country that is [most] suitable for me. This nation has the [a] population density of about only 3 people per [square] kilometer square; hence, there is less pollution than [in] other countries. I imagine that the air is as clear as crystal so that I can see many stars in the sky at night, perhaps the Orion nebula. I [would] love watching[to watch] those satellites of Jupiter through [a] telescope but I cannot because I live in an utterly polluted city-{use commas, not dashes} Saigon; [ I] always want to be at some countryside [location in] at New Zealand to observe those objects. Furthermore, this place has a lot of beautiful landscape[s ] such as mountain[s ], jungle[s ] and the beautiful wildlife. These things are often appear in my dream[s ].

Secondly, I am a fan of Lord of the Rings. This encourages me to visit this country since it has been[was] the place that[where this] fantasy film was shot. I hope someday I can go to sites such as the Hobbiton where hobbits live or the mountain that [where] Boromir fell. I especially love the construction of Hobbiton, I have seen it in Youtube but have not had [a] chance to see it in the real life yet. Also, I even hope that I can see members of the film-making facility, especially director Peter Jackson. They are currently in this country to make the second part of “The Hobbit.” If I am lucky, I would be able to be face-to-face with the director and ask him much about the making of my favorite film.

Finally, I always search for someone to speak English to and New Zealand has a lot [of native English speakers]. Since English is an important language in this country, I would be able to make friends with many students here and better my English skills. In addition, I also have some friends that I met in[through] the Internet living in there; they are all English users. It is [would be] so wonderful for me to meet them in the real life.

To sum up, there is[are] no words that can describe my great love toward New Zealand. If I am able to visit it someday, I could enjoy the beauty of nature, see interesting places which are background[s ] in my favorite film and also meet my friends to practice English. I am sick with the longing for a day that I will walk[take] my first step in that place.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social science class (2)

[Luschen]

Hi Helias, I thought your essay was very good. It is very interesting and convincing - I certainly hope you get the chance to visit New Zealand - I spent a total of 4 hours in the Aukland airport if that counts . You do have some minor errors here and there, but your essay is very clear and understandable. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

@Helias

Topic: You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

Every country in the world has its own distinct properties; all of them carry their own religion, history and economy.{“economy” sounds odd in this list - maybe “culture”} Therefore, I must say that ever nation has its own beauty. However, aside from my homeland, Vietnam, there is no other country that can attract my attention greatly like {“attention to such an extent as” sounds better} New Zealand. I [have] always be[en] eager to visit it someday I[f] have the opportunity to; let me explain why I love this nation that much.

First of all, since I was young, I have grown quite fond of enjoying the beauty of nature and New Zealand is the country that is [most] suitable for me. This nation has the [a] population density of about only 3 people per [square] kilometer square; hence, there is less pollution than [in] other countries. I imagine that the air is as clear as crystal so that I can see many stars in the sky at night, perhaps the Orion nebula. I [would] love watching[to watch] those satellites of Jupiter through [a] telescope but I cannot because I live in an utterly polluted city-{use commas, not dashes} Saigon; [ I] always want to be at some countryside [location in] at New Zealand to observe those objects. Furthermore, this place has a lot of beautiful landscape[s ] such as mountain[s ], jungle[s ] and the beautiful wildlife. These things are often appear in my dream[s ].

Secondly, I am a fan of Lord of the Rings. This encourages me to visit this country since it has been[was] the place that[where this] fantasy film was shot. I hope someday I can go to sites such as the Hobbiton where hobbits live or the mountain that [where] Boromir fell. I especially love the construction of Hobbiton, I have seen it in Youtube but have not had [a] chance to see it in the real life yet. Also, I even hope that I can see members of the film-making facility, especially director Peter Jackson. They are currently in this country to make the second part of “The Hobbit.” If I am lucky, I would be able to be face-to-face with the director and ask him much about the making of my favorite film.

Finally, I always search for someone to speak English to and New Zealand has a lot [of native English speakers]. Since English is an important language in this country, I would be able to make friends with many students here and better my English skills. In addition, I also have some friends that I met in[through] the Internet living in there; they are all English users. It is [would be] so wonderful for me to meet them in the real life.

To sum up, there is[are] no words that can describe my great love toward New Zealand. If I am able to visit it someday, I could enjoy the beauty of nature, see interesting places which are background[s ] in my favorite film and also meet my friends to practice English. I am sick with the longing for a day that I will walk[take] my first step in that place.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social science class (2)