Please help me check my essay (Youngster crime).Thank you so much!

Dear Mr. Luschen,

Here is my essay for the IELTS Test. Please help me to check it. Thank you so much

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basis reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from their parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, perhaps few subjects are likely to cause so much controversy as the growing rate in juvenile delinquency does. The centre of debate is what the root cause of this alarming trend is. To the best of my knowledge, of those elements that bear a considerable effect on children’s unlawful behaviors, the most influential is that lack of the social and psychological learning from their families and schools.
There is little room for doubt that adolescence is the stage at which children are still immature and vulnerable. Unfortunately, in this competitive and rapidly-changing society, adults tend to spend most of their time struggling with earning income, resulting in their inadequate care for their teenage children. Without reasonable control and supervision from parents, teenagers are more likely to expose themselves to violent scenes available on TV and the Internet. So intense is their exposure to violence that they go so far to engage in law-breaking acts.
People should also recognize that social and emotional teaching is still not placed emphasis in schools. It is over-simplistic to argue that just integrating moral subjects into curriculum can deter adolescents’ anti-social behaviours. Anecdotal evidence shows that a multitude of quarrelsome and fighting between gangs in schools occurring in the absence of teachers’ interference. Only when the crime is exceedingly serious does it draw attention of school administrators.
The above-mentioned arguments have given one a glimpse of justifications for the responsibility of parents and teachers for the accelerated growth in youngsters’ violent crime. Adults are thus advised to pay more attention to and take more action in nurturing their children’s socially and emotionally.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the student services center