Please grade my writing

Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialized knowledge of the following topics. The treatment of nuclear weapon maintains the world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology for outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. You should write at elast 250 words.

My Writings

Power is an essential part for civilization. There are a good number of substitute for power. But most of the power sources are directly natural. Nuclear Power is a kind of processed natural resource and generated from uranium. Despite power source, Nuclear power could be a destructive weapon for our world. On the other hand, it is used in cancer treatment as well as cure for others disease in medical science. By considering all factors, I want to use nuclear power under a strong monitoring procedure only for positive approach.
In general, peoples are known nuclear as a destructive weapon for America who used it in Second World War on Japan. Nuclear power is now a strong key for becoming a supreme power. In fact, nuclear could be a bomb which has ability to destroy a town within a second. Many peoples, crops and building etc could be demolished by nuclear bomb. But it is one side of Nuclear power. There is another side which is good for human kind. Currently Nuclear power is used in medical center for deadly disease which has no as usual treatment. As example, Nuclear energy is used to kill Cancer cell and it works successfully. For ease use and robustness, nuclear treatment for Cancer is a popular in medical sector. Besides, nuclear power is also used in many countries for producing electricity because it is a cheaper source than any others.
In conclusion, my opinion about Nuclear is a power source which cannot be an avoidable resource. Though it can be a destructive weapon but it depends on human kind. If we want to use it in good manner then it will be a wealth. International community has this responsibility for making a strong monitoring organization for using nuclear power. And we know, United Nation has a section as an organization which has such kind of rule. I think that organization is not enough strong for controlling Nuclear Power. We demand for more strong organization for control nuclear usage to United Nation as well as International Community.

Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university adviser and a student

Hi, your essay is pretty good. Watch out for the multiple meanings of power - energy is much more clear. Your structure was pretty clear and I think you answered the questions, although your details about nuclear energy were pretty weak. Is this exam supposed to test your general knowledge about nuclear power and nuclear weapons as well as your English? Anyway, you did have a lot of small usage errors and some awkward and unclear sentences. Overall, I think this would rate a band 6.

Thanks a lot Luschen. You rated my last essay by 4, now i have got 6 for another essay from you. A great improvement. I am practicing to get more band score.
Thanks Luschen.

Yes, this one was much better - keep up the good work!