Please grade my writing - 15

Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

Question

Answer:

Nowadays vehicle is the most usable media for communication system but concerning matter is that this vehicles increase air and sound pollution. Not only pollution, the vast usage of vehicle generates traffic jam, which is now out of tolerable situation in important city. The price of petrol does not dominate the usage of vehicle though it has a bit impact on it. So only by increasing the price of petrol cannot control vehicle means to solve growing the traffic and pollution problem at all.

Advance of technology introduces attractive vehicle as well as lessen the price of vehicle. Availability of bank loan for buying vehicle is also another influencing key with lower price of vehicle. Another key factor is social status, which is also dominated people to buy a car since family members think that we have money so we should have at least a car. As a result, car owner are increasing at a very high rate. The roads are not enough for containing such vast amount of vehicle and finally traffic jam is generated.

The price of petrol is not related only vehicle driving. This price also influences in domestic economics since the price of every product will be increased due to increase of communication cost. Although it would control vehicle by a small amount, it generates people especially middle class and lower class sufferings because of increasing the price of product.

The control in vehicle can be done by introducing laws and enforcing them strongly. So government should take a vital role on it. Only enforcing laws are not balanced procedure for controlling vehicle, there should be substitute of vehicle facility like increase and improve bus services and aware people about pollution and effect of them.

In conclusion, i think that laws and improve bus service can control and solve traffic and pollution problem instead of increasing the price of petrol. Rather increasing petrol price only for controlling vehicle would be disastrous for country.

Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student visit the adviser’s office?

Hi, you are still having some problems with your essays. I think your structure was good and your arguments were fairly clear. Unfortunately, much of your writing still sounds quite unnatural, and there were some phrases and sentences that were unclear to me. Overall, I would rate this a band 5.

After fifteen writings, do you think i have been improved a bit?

Thanks Lluschen.

I think you have gotten a little better overall. There is some fluctuation in your quality from essay to essay, maybe some topics are easier to write about. Still you seem to have plateaued at that band 5 level. Are you reading English magazines and newspapers?

Yea Luschen, i read newspaper regularly.

Thanks Luschen.

I think Luchen’s grade is considerably high for you!

Look what you do again and again.

Why does this small letter for “I”? This will be habituated in the long run. You have poor
vocabulary stocks and you have the tendency to repeat one word frequently.

Teacher will make sure when he observes you have no grasp on good phrases
like using appositive, absolute phrases or adjective clauses usages much more.
You didn’t usage not a single dangling modifier, do you have?

Yes, your tendency to write smoothly is worthwhile, no doubt.