Please evalute my essay! please.

[color=red]Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Different people think disparately about living in cities. Some people prefer to live in small cities and enjoy from calm and clean weather and do not challenge with traffic. However, as for me, I remonstrate with their mentality and I undoubtedly prefer to live in big cities. I want to live in a big city for having more chance for job; moreover, I can use from new technologies and joy from skyscrapers and stunning shopping malls. I will try to bolster my viewpoint with some reasons and instances.

First of all, I think more opportunity for finding job is in big cities and I think it is right in all over the world. Most of my intimate friends obligate to migrate to a bigger city for finding proper work. I think I should do that too, because I cannot find a high-received work in our small city. One day I saw local newscast and anchor related a weird statistics and said that: “Statisticians assert that more than 70 percent of job opportunity is in the capital and other three big cities. It led to increase in rate of migration to big cities.”

Furthermore, It is obvious that all the extraordinary technologies are in big cities and small citied deprive from them. I want to exemplify this attitude with a real memory that happened to me. One day my brother in law came to our little city. He wanted to use from my internet to send an email. The speed of our internet was so little that he pound on the desk. I blushed because he use from newer technology in the capital and I could not help him. The best equipment is also in the big cities. Numerous improved hospitals are in the capital and patients should go to the capital for treatment; in addition, high-ranked universities are in big cities and the settlers of the capital can educate in best universities of our country.

Apart from the mentioned idea, I think big cities are more pleasant for living because of way for spending money. There are no terrific and gorgeous shopping malls in small cities and if you have enough money, you could not enjoy from your money. So, I think big cities are better for both getting and spending money.

In conclusion, I think people, living in big cities, have better life. I want to encourage my family to migrate to the capital. If I can do that, we will have more terrific life. Although there is still a great deal of heated debate about this topic, I certainly advise you to opt big cities for living.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of USA Today does the professor mainly discuss?

Hi Tesoke, welcome to the forum. I think your writing is pretty good. It is clear and understandable, though you do have some odd word choices that do not really work in your context. Your structure is good though, with clear topic sentences backed up with applicable reasons and examples. You have some errors in articles and some sentence construction mistakes as well. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you very much. I did help me very much :slight_smile:

Hi Luschen
Thank you for your help. I understood most of your revisions but I have few questions about some of your revisions. I appreciate you if you answer me again. I have wrote my problems and question with red comments.

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Different people think disparately about living in cities.{this sounds a bit awkward} Some people prefer to live in small cities and enjoy from calm and clean weather{“clean weather” does not really make sense} [color=red]{Is “clean air” true?} and {“and avoid traffic challenges”} do not challenge with traffic. However, as for me, I remonstrate {“remonstrate” does not really make sense here} [color=red]{Is “disagree” true?} with their mentality and I undoubtedly prefer to live in big cities. I want to live in a big city for having more [to have a better] chance for [a] job; moreover, I can use from new technologies and joy [enjoy the view] from skyscrapers and [visit] stunning shopping malls. I will try to bolster my viewpoint with some reasons and instances.{I would leave out this last sentence}

First of all, I think more opportunity for finding job[s ] is in big cities {“I think big cities provide more opportunities for finding jobs” sounds better} and I think [this is true] it is right in all over the world. Most of my intimate friends [have been] obligate[d ] to migrate to a bigger city for finding {“to find” is better} proper work. I think I should do that too, because I cannot find a high-received {“high-received” does not make sense - what do you mean?} [color=red]{I mean a job with a high salary} work in our small city. One day I saw [a] local newscast and [the] [color=red]{I think if local newscast should follow with “a”, anchor should follow with “a” too. Am I wrong?} anchor related a weird statistics and said that: “Statisticians assert that more than 70 percent of job opportunit[ies are] is in the capital and [the] other three big cities. It [has] led to increase in rate of migration to big cities.”

Furthermore, It is obvious that all the extraordinary technologies are in big cities and small citied deprive from [cities lack] them. I want to exemplify this attitude {this sounds a bit odd} [color=red]{Is “point” true?} with a real memory that happened to me. One day my brother in law {“brother-in-law”} came to our little city. He wanted to use from my internet to send an email. The speed of our internet was so little [slow] that he pound[ed] on the desk. I blushed because he use from [was used to] newer technology in the capital and I could not help him. The best equipment is also in the big cities. Numerous improved {“improved” sounds a bit odd - maybe “modern” is better} hospitals are in the capital and patients should go to the capital for treatment; in addition, high-ranked universities are in big cities and the settlers[citizens] of the capital can [be] educate[d ] in [the] best universities of our country.

Apart from the mentioned idea,{what is the “mentioned idea”? this is unclear to me} [color=red]{I mean the two ideas that I wrote about them in paragraphs 2 and 3? Is that clear now?} I think big cities are more pleasant for living because of way for spending [one can spend] money. There are no terrific and gorgeous {neither of these adjectives really fits here} [color=red]{I understood why “terrific” is wrong, but I have a question about “gorgeous”. I red this sentence in Longman dictionary for exemplifying: “The hotel room had a gorgeous view.” I think I have used “gorgeous” in a same situation. Am I True or not?} shopping malls in small cities and [even] if you have enough money, you could not enjoy from your money. So, I think big cities are better for both getting[earning] and spending money.

In conclusion, I think people,{no comma} living in big cities,{no comma} have better li[ves]. I want to encourage my family to migrate to the capital. If I can do that, we will have more terrific {once again, terrific is not the best here - maybe “enjoyable”} life. Although there is still a great deal of heated debate about this topic, I certainly advise you to opt [for] big cities for living.

Thank you very much buddy. God bless you!