please evaluate my essay..

Hello, may you please help me I need to get band 7.5 in IELTS but I don’t know which level I am.
“As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom”.

I somewhat agree that the computers are the new form of traditional human teachers. There have been immense advances in technology. Student found new way of learning they made note on computer and printed in well organized manner. Most of students prefer to do research work on computers and printed in quality of paper.

Moreover, study stuff on the computer can be repeated so many time weather it is for reading or listening purpose. Intelligent student would like to learn things on computer because they do not want to stick with ordinary student. In this way intelligent student gained much more knowledge. One more important aspect is that students took less time to search study material on computer as computers have inbuilt search and advanced search option.

On the other side the traditional teachers play an important role in learning process of students. Human interaction is very necessary to understand things. Sometime any student want to ask question then the teacher can tell them answer on that student. Student have different intellectual property some are ordinary and other are intelligent. Teachers can pay more attention towards their week students. On the other hand students feel some respect for their teacher and they have received motivation factor also.

With the help of teachers the students can do homework properly. They feel the some pressure of human interface. Students have punctual and obedient in the class because they know if they came late to class then will get punishment.

On conclusion, the role of teachers is very essential in the learning process of students and it will continue in the future because machine cannot replace the human interaction and consequences.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the main weakness of the student’s essay?

Hi, I think your essay is pretty good, but I think you have quite a long way to go for a 7.5. Your structure seemed a little unorganized, without a clear development of your ideas. Some of your writing is pretty clear, but you have a lot of minor grammatical and usage errors throughout, as well as some awkward sounding phrases and a few confusing sentences. Overall, I would rate this a band 5.5.

Hi thanks for the comments and suggestions definitely i will try to improve my weakness in the next essay…

Hello Guys please evaluate my below essay for IELTS-GT :

Topic : Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It has been argued that the monetary education should be crucial for school program and it should be made mandatory for school. As our surroundings in as much in financial aspects. Some people strongly support that it should be necessary for school education and other does not believe in it. As far as I concerned, commerce education should be necessary for school program.

In begin with, many believe that monetary education should be the disadvantage for the student because students are in their early ages so it might not suitable age to learn business education. On the other hand they are learning the complex general study. It would be extra pressure to learn monetary education for them. Moreover, some people argue that in the beginning of school days basic commerce education should be essential for student. As commerce education is very complex so it should be taught after the school program.

Although on the other hand, some believe that monetary education plays crucial role in human life so it should be mandatory at school level. Now days, things will go perfectly if you plan them correctly and it will require better planning in financial way. As it is undeniable that money plays a crucial role in today’s modernized world. It should be better if the student understand the commerce education in their early ages. So that they can cope up with the daily basis financial environment. More importantly they will understand the role of money in our life.

In conclusion, I somewhat believe that the financial education should be mandatory in school program. It will definitely better for students and their future perspective. Although financial education is very complex so I believe that it should be learn in more interesting way such as with audio and video. It would be probably better to start with simple lessons.