Please evaluate and rate my essay out of 30 marks.

School teaches us everything we need to know. What is your position?
School, a place, disseminates knowledge to students not only for moral development but also for future development in job field. Most of us go to school to ensure their better foreseeable future career by learning different academic program. But many also go to learn, acquire and dedicate themselves in the field of research and invention. So, school can teach what a student wants to learn and I fully support this statement.
First of all, Almost the entire erudite person is come from different school. You will hardly find any famous person who does not have any sort of academic knowledge. To become famous, they not only acquire knowledge but also send out their knowledge towards their fellow students. As they are the truly talented person they will teach true knowledge as they care them like their child. It is a privilege for students that they have the opportunity to learn and solve their problem such a expert. If someone go to any coaching center or academy, which teach for money, they have hardly any scholar and they give knowledge in respect to money.
Secondly, One of most of important way to acquiring skill is repetition. School allows its students to practice more and practical way to learn. And a skilled person can easily become efficient and successful in his job career or professional life. School also gives an opportunity to meet with various person from a scientist to official person. By meeting with different sort of people they can easily learn how to maintain communication as these person once will become their colleague or partner in business in corporate or professional life. It also dispels away the uncomfortness to meet with new person whose have difference creed, culture, personality and behavior.
Thirdly, Most of the school have different academic person and student can choose the program what he likes as it has often no strict rules or regulations for the sake of betterment of students. In my childhood I had a dream to become an engineer but after high school I felt a fascination for biological science. After that I contact with graduate coordinator to admit into biological science program. He asked me to take few foundation course before admit into that program though I have thought that it would not be possible to admit into biological science program as I have never prepared myself as an biological science student.
Last but not the least, in the other hand, those, who do not go to school, often do not get chance to work in top managerial or official position and they simply employed as a physical worker. They do not get the opportunity to excel themselves in their field. Though there is only a slight example of few persons who have become famous without formal academic background.
To conclude this upon above discussion it is easy to say that school teaches us everything what we need to know. Besides teaching it also helps to become skilled and acquire knowledge from diverse field and become successful in their future career

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (3)

Please make your thread title meaningful.
A better subject line would be:
Essay: School teaches us everything we need. Please evaluate.

Hi, your essay is not too bad. Some parts of your essay seem pretty well-written, clear and easy to understand. But other sections have a lot of errors, including some awkward and unclear sentences. You have sort of addressed the topic, but the prompt is very broad - that school teaches everything a person needs to know. This viewpoint seems untenable to me and your essay has not really convinced me otherwise. You seem to focus a lot on becoming famous, but how about manners, morals, and just the basics of life like cooking dinner or tying your shoes? Overall, I would rate this about a 17 out of 30.