Please do me a favour to adjust my appointment letter

English as a Second Language What do you want to talk about?
1

Dear Kelly,

If you want to establish a business relationship with the San Miguel (Beer) company, you first have to ask yourself this question: Why would the San Miguel Beer company want to do business with us? You start your letter by mentioning an introduction to your company. Why would the San Miguel company be interested in your company? Of course you want to promote your business and you have created a company profile. However, in order to attract the attention of the San Miguel company, you should study their profile in detail and talk about their situation, about new opportunities for them, about ways of making more profit for them. Only then will they want to hear more.
Let me know what you think,
Regards
Torsten[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, question-response: How soon can you start working for us?[YSaerTTEW443543]

2

Well, the following is just a suggestion, the message could be improved even more:

Dear Mrs June,

As you will see from the attached company profile there is an opportunity for San Miguel Co. Ltd. to establish a successful business relationship with us. If you like we can discuss details of our collaboration in a meeting today, on Thursday March 2 or tomorrow, Friday March 3, at 10 am.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon,
Yours sincerely,
…
Secretary[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, question-response: Do you know why the flight is delayed?[YSaerTTEW443543]