Please correct the sentence

English as a Second Language English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
1

Hello

Is the following sentence OK?

The BMW having been producing the model since 1972 celebrated production of 5 million 5 series in 2008 and the company is predicted to celebrate production of 6 million 5series while producing sixth generation of the model/ sixth generation of the model is being produced.

Thanks a lot

2

Another learner try

The BMW, having been producing the series 5 since 1972, has recently celebrated the 5 millionth vehicle in the 2008, and the company (at least) predict the same result in the 2009.

Dear teachers, please correct my sentence as well.

My additional question

  1. Another learner try or
  2. Another learner’s try

Thanks

3

BMW, having produced the 5 series model since 1972, celebrated production of 5 million 5 series in 2008 and the company is predicted to celebrate production of 6 million 5 series while the sixth generation of the models in production.

4

Perhaps you should have waited for the original sentence to be corrected before offering something that needs additional corrections as well as the original required corrections.

5

If I were to write it: “Producing the model since 1972, BMW celebrated its 5 series 5mln total in 2008, and is predicted to reach the mark of 6mln while producing the sixth generation of the car.” (cutting out unnecessary repetition of ‘produce/production’).

6

If you were to write it as you suggest it wouldn’t make any sense at all. If you want to avoid produce/production in close proximity, I suggest:

Having introduced the model in 1972, BMW celebrated the production of five million 5 series in 2008 and is predicted to reach its six millionth during the creation of the sixth generation model.

7

You mean the “BMW celebrated its 5 series 5mln total” part could sound obscure to the natives?

8

It’s the entire structure.

9

Sounds mysterious. Will you point to the flaws.
As I see it:

  1. Producing the model since 1972,= they started in 1972 and are still producing it
  2. BMW celebrated its 5 series 5mln total in 2008, --you say you can’t celebrate the total of something?
  3. [BMW] is predicted to reach the mark of 6mln while producing the sixth generation of the car. [ = BMW 5 Series]

If you mean you need it more expanded, I’d say the message is targeted at those who know a thing or two about BMW and its production, and not expected to sound like a piece out of your textbook.

10

Your points:

  1. Not a natural structure.
  2. ‘mln’ is not a standard abbreviation
  3. ‘the mark of’ is not natural.
11

Thank you for the correction.
Following my nasty nature, I can’t but reply :wink: --in fact it’s just some scraps I managed to pick up that could prove helpful for those interested:

  1. “Not a natural structure.” – I did my best…

  2. “‘mln’ is not a standard abbreviation” – I made a rush to bring this one to more convenient mil/M (one professional proof reader advised that it should be ‘m’, which some said could be confused with ‘meter’), and then a guy said he met ‘mln’ more than once. I wouldn’t take it upon myself to make a judgement, but certainly it hasn’t gone out of use yet.

  3. “‘the mark of’ is not natural.” – If you read the following (with ‘mark’ meaning “a particular level, stage, total etc“): 1. Average earnings have not yet reached the £25,000 mark. 2. …successfully complete and gain a mark of at least 40% in the centre set, HCIMA approved, examination relating to the area of study. 3. The 20-year-old clocked 29 minutes 31.80 seconds in Beijing’s Workers’ Stadium, to break Norwegian Ingrid Kristiansen’s seven-year-old world mark of 30:13.74. 4. Amanda Tremble, who runs for North Shields Polytechnic, also set a new mark of 4 mins 42.1 secs in the intermediate girls 1500 metres, 5. How would students react to you setting a pass mark of say 80%? 6. In order to pass the project students must successfully complete the written report and the verbal presentation and gain a mark of 50% overall. – then perhaps “a/the 6M/mil mark OR a mark of 6M/mil” wouldn’t be that blamed?..