Please correct my Toefl essay, luschen, thank you. :)

What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

Have you ever envision how is your relationship with you future or current children? I presume that the majority have the same answer, that the relationship is going to be humorous and fun. Generally speaking, let us look to the crucial aspect; nowadays teenagers and children behaviour and perspective have changed. I believe that there are two parental imperative attributes; first, is to be intense, and second, to be caring.

To begin with, it is critical to consider the parental authority. Parents must prevent their children of doing wrong action and behavior. Also, to limit the range of autonomous aspects. To elucidate, many adolescents nowadays go to meet with friends, but most of teenagers are not aware that there are priorities such as homework and studying. In order to be a responsible parents, they should immediately act for this situation by confining them of partying and meeting friends. Furthermore, parents should be selfassured and not regretful of taking tough decision on their children. Retracting their right judgment is a spoiled act. To elaborate, parents should not be sorry of being harsh and cruel on their children. Actually, parents should show their children what is wrong and right by a patient method. For example, my father and mother always call me to a small meeting when I do a bad performance.

In addition to the importance of the parental authority, being caring parent is a significant feature. Children need love and encouragment, hence parents should always communicate and be interconnected with them. For instance, I can recall that my mom have always asked me about the soccer course, and she always avariced me and respected my preference. Moreover, parents must always inspect on their children’s studies and activities. In order to feel relief, parents must make sure who is their children’s friends, and what do they do together. By way of example, my father have always chatted with my friends in a friendly way, he asked them about their parents and what do they like to do. As a result, the trust between me and my parents gardually rose.

By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above. I am of the opinion that intense and caring is an important characteristics for being a parents. I would like to recommend as a teenager, to turn those features to real, because it will enhance children future life.

TOEFL listening discussions: How is the young woman financing her education?

Hi Eliasbit - it seems odd for a teenager to condone such strict parental behavior. I guess I will return to this essay when my three boys are teenagers, if we all make it that far. I thought your essay was pretty good. I especially liked your introduction. You have very good content with plenty of personal examples to support your ideas. You did have a lot of usage errors and a few sentences that were pretty confusing to me. Normally, this would reduce my rating to 3.5, but your arguments and development are so good, I will give this a 4 out of 5. What country are you from? - I bet the US is quite a bit more liberal in our parenting philosophies, perhaps to our detriment.

1)Have you ever envision[ed] how is your relationship [will be] with you[r ] future or current children? I presume that the majority have the same answer, that the relationship is going to be humorous and fun.
*“I presume that the majority have the same answer, that the relationship is going to be humorous and fun.”
After i read this sentence again, the beginning was odd, Is there any think i can add be fore “I presume” Somthing like > Well, I presume… ( it is more natural way to write)
*I felt that the word “that” after the “comma” is a bit weak.
How can i restructure the sentence again?

  1. Also, to limit the range of autonomous aspects.{this is not a complete sentence and “autonomous aspects” is very confusing to me}
    Also, to limit the range of the leisure autonomous aspect by using/replacing it with beneficial activities.
    Is the sentence completed?

3)Retracting their right judgment is a spoiled act. {I think I understand this, but it sounds very odd - maybe “Withholding their strict judgment is an act sure to lead to a spoiled child”}
No no, I’m sorry i didn’t clarify my message, I meant that retracting their decision regarding their children, show the parents weakness.
How can i write a full good sentence that will demonstrate my idea?

4)soccer course
I meant the soccer school. Is this sentence clear enough?

  1. she always avariced {is “avariced” a word?} me and respected my preference.
    Avarice is the word, Not “avariced. So maybe “motivated” is better here, I’m not sure if the words"Fostered” and “promoted” will fit here? What do you think?

6)inspect their …
This mean to pay attention and check their childrens’ …
Right?

7)my father ha[s ] always chatted with my friends in a friendly way,{semicolon} he asked them about their parents and what do they like to do. As a result, the trust between me and my parents gardually{spelling} rose. {in our family it would be "as I result I became more and more embarrassed by my parents :wink: }
*Dude, it is a Toefl essay;)

8)I would like to recommend[,] as a teenager, to [attain] those features
could the words “adopt” or “embrace” replace “attain”?
P.s. I totally liked the word attain, i just want to know when i can use specific words…

**Hi Eliasbit - it seems odd for a teenager to condone such strict parental behavior. I guess I will return to this essay when my three boys are teenagers, if we all make it that far. I thought your essay was pretty good. I especially liked your introduction. You have very good content with plenty of personal examples to support your ideas. You did have a lot of usage errors and a few sentences that were pretty confusing to me. Normally, this would reduce my rating to 3.5, but your arguments and development are so good, I will give this a 4 out of 5. What country are you from? - I bet the US is quite a bit more liberal in our parenting philosophies, perhaps to our detriment.

What is the main reason that reduced my score? ( I want to know because i need to overcome this problem) and i don’t want to repeat it.
I’m from israel, but I exaggerated a little bit, I mean it is Toefl essay, and i thought that the examiners are asking for conscious candidates who are mature.
I’m not sure why i mentioned that i’m a teenager, actually I’m a young adult. almost 19, my birthday in 1.5 weeks.
Thank you so much luschen, wish you all the best man!

Thank you so much, I’ll write another essay in the following hours.