Please correct and rate my Toefl essay, Luschen! Thank you very much!

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to have a yearlong break before attending university. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Nowadays, millions of students attend universities each year to continue their study form high school. Some students and their parents think that it is better to have a yearlong break before attending university for student could relax after high school time. However, personally, I am for the idea that students should attend universities as soon as they graduate form their high school for several reasons.

Firstly, students could not get ready for their university study unless they attend it as soon as they finish their high school. To elaborate, student always use their break for playing, relaxing and thus could not make up their mind for schoolwork. There is a fact that after every summer break in many countries, students cannot concentrate on studying for they still regret the time that passed, the time they playing, sleeping all day. So did the students that graduate from high school, in case they have a yearlong break, they would lose their concentration at university. Therefore, they could not get a good result at their first term.

Secondly, students could save time if they attend university soon. To be more specific, they will quickly gain new knowledge and experiences, meet new friend and grow up. At many countries, university students usually live far away from their home. As a result, they must clean their clothes, clean their room and the most important, they must stand on their feet and make their own choices. That would make they become more independent and quickly grow up. Furthermore, university environment requires students to be more active, communicative then that in high school. Therefore, student should enter this environment as soon as they can for they will develop many skills and acquire a great deal of knowledge in one year instead of relaxing, chatting or playing computer games.

Last but not least, students would be more likely to forget their basic knowledge that they learn in high school, which is indispensible for university study. Suppose that a student return home after a holiday, in which he spent it for surfing, skiing or fishing, he could definitely not remember well the things like mathematics, physics or chemistry. In my countries, students have about 2 weeks for new-year break, and usually, students that take the final term tests before the break have higher scores than those who take it after the break. The reason for this is that students forget what they have learned. In that case we have a 2-week break, and our scores fall dramatically, what if we have a whole year to play and sleep?

To conclude, students should attend colleges and university shortly after their graduation from high school for they would be ready for the study, save their time and have a good basic knowledge. Education is an important for those who want to get a good career, and if so, they should prepare for it quickly by getting a permit for their university learning.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (2)

Hi Voyager, I enjoyed reading your essay. You have a great structure with excellent paragraph development and examples. Personally, I think it can be valuable to take a year off after high school, but your arguments are still convincing. You do have some problems with maintaining consistency in your tenses, and you have some awkward sounding phrases. Still, your content is so strong that I would rate this a 4 out of 5.