Please correct and rate my essay for TOEFL, Luschen. Thank you!!!

This is my writing, please kindly comment :). Thank you very much.
Topic: Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship?
There are lots of considerations needed to be cared about when it comes to maintain relationships with friends, relatives or colleagues. And telling the truth is obviously an important part of that. However, I disagree with the statement that what we should considerate most is always telling the truth based on the following several aspects.

First of all, although the fact that we should be honest with others is a keystone in any relationship, always doing it is not as good as we may expect. There are certain circumstances under which we should not tell the truth, and it can turn out to have better results. For example, when my best friend and roommate Tom felt so upset because of unsatisfactory scores in TOEFL IBT test, he referred to me for some help. Instead of telling him the truth, I encouraged him by saying that it was just a small difficulty and everyone should get through something like that to get mature. And finally he regained his confidence and succeeded in his second try.

Secondly, there are so many considerations of paramount importance contributing to a relationship that we cannot simply put them in order and say that telling the truth is the most important one. As we know, responsibility is also very crucial in any relationship. Without handling things responsibly, people cannot guarantee relationships stable and lasting. And we should also be willing to help because no one can bear others selfish or egocentric.

Some may approve the opposite side and argue that the influence caused by dishonesty is so severe that it would destroy any relationship. That is unconvincing to substantiate the given statement as people may look for lots of merits such as: loyalty, altruism and understanding in relationships and ruins of relationships may result from unsatisfaction of any of these merits.

Based on the above discussion, it is improper to draw the conclusion that always telling the truth is the most important consideration.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university science lecture on Island Biogeography

Hi Shajinzheng, your writing is very good, I can see why your friend would come to you for assistance. Hopefully you realize that I am not also twisting the truth to you as you did to him :slight_smile:
Your structure is very good - I especially like the way you introduced a possible objection in order to show why it is not important or valid. Was this a technique you learned in a class? Your examples were specific and convincing and your whole essay addressed the prompt well. You did have a few unnatural sounding phrases and a couple of poor word choices, but your spelling and grammar were very good. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you so much for revising my essay. I really appreciate your time and help. And I feel more confident about my TOEFL test because of your comment. Thank you again, sincerely.

As for the way I introduced a possible objection, I learned it in my English writing class.