please check my TOEFL independent essay and give me a score.

[Rabieabb]

Can someone check my TOEFL essay and score it like the score they give in the TOEFL test?

Topic:
Some people prefer to work for a large company, others prefer to work for a small company. Which do you prefer?

Essay:
There are variety of companies in different fields which a person can work at. Choosing a certain job requires a person, most of the times, to apply to a company and to work in his job. However this may be a complicated process. In fact, choosing certain company may have a great influence on a person’s future. The most hard thing is to decide, would I work in a large company or a small one. In my Opinion, I always like to work at a large companies, because I will have more chances for developing myself and having a lot of relationships with highly known people that have big influence on the industry.
The main reason that I choose to work at a big company is because I will have the chance to become more professional at my field of job, while my position can also be raised and my salary grown. For example, I have a first degree in accounting, and my job is an accountant. If I choose to work at a big accounting office, I will start as a junior, then senior and so on until I become one of the partners in that office. So, as my experience grows, my position and my salary get higher. This can be acheived at a smaller offices, but not in this proportions.
Another reason is that, working in a big company makes you know more people, thus having much more relations than you could have at a smaller companies. For instance, working at a big office, could make me meet a variety of important people, like a chief executive officer of a big company, thus making it possible for me that one day I could work at his company as an accountant. In other words, making relations is very crucial for one’s future, and it can be achieved at its best in a big company.
In conclusion, I think working at a big company is better than working in a small company for the development of a person’s career, by earning a lot of experience and money, and building good relationships with important people and securing his future.

359 words

Thank you

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have a good structure and your paragraphs have some good examples and development. You do have some grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay and quite a few phrases that sound awkward or a bit strange. Overall, I would rate this as a 3.5 out of 5 - that would work out to about a 21, but remember the integrated writing counts too.

@Rabieabb

Can someone check my TOEFL essay and score it like the score they give in the TOEFL test?

Topic:
Some people prefer to work for a large company, others prefer to work for a small company. Which do you prefer?

Essay:
There are variety of companies in different fields which a person can work at{try not to end a sentence with a preposition, especially if it is easy to remedy - here say “… fields in which a person can work”} . Choosing a certain job requires a person, most of the times, to apply to a company and to work in his job. {this sentence seems very banal - also, choosing would involve a choice, which is missing from you explanation} However this may be a complicated process. In fact, choosing [a] certain company may have a great influence on a person’s future. The most hard[est] thing is to decide, [" W]ould I [like] work in a large company or a small one[?"] In my Opinion{no caps}, I always like to work at a large compan[y], because I will have more chances for developing myself and having a lot of relationships with highly known people that have [a] big influence on the industry.
The main reason that I choose to work at a big company is because I will have the chance to become more professional at my field of job[work], while my position can also be raised{your position is not “raised” - this sounds odd} and my salary grown{“raised” would work better here}. For example, I have a first degree in accounting, and my job is an accountant. If I choose to work at a big accounting office, I will start as a junior, then senior and so on until I become one of the partners in that office. So, as my experience grows, my position and my salary get higher. This can be acheived{sp} at a smaller offices, but not in th[ese] proportions.
Another reason is that,{no comma} working in a big company makes{“lets” would sound better here} you know more people, thus having much more relations[hips] {“relations” are your relatives, or could possibly mean sexual intercourse - I don’t think that is what you mean here } than you could have at a smaller companies. For instance, working at a big office,{no comma} could make me{“allow me to” sounds better} meet a variety of important people, like a chief executive officer of a big company, thus making it possible for me that one day I could work at his company {this is OK, but it sounds better as “… for me to one day work at his company …”} as an accountant. In other words, making relations[hips] {“networking” is a good word to use here} is very crucial for one’s future, and it can be achieved at its best in a big company.
In conclusion, I think working at a big company is better than working in a small company for the development of a person’s career, by earning a lot of experience and money, and building good relationships with important people and securing his future. {three "and"s seems like one too many}

359 words

Thank you

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History

[Rabieabb]

Firstly, I would like to thank you again for grading my essay, and I would like to have your recommendations on what should I exactly work on in order to get better in writing the essays?

@Luschen

Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have a good structure and your paragraphs have some good examples and development. You do have some grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay and quite a few phrases that sound awkward or a bit strange. Overall, I would rate this as a 3.5 out of 5 - that would work out to about a 21, but remember the integrated writing counts too.

@Rabieabb

Can someone check my TOEFL essay and score it like the score they give in the TOEFL test?

Topic:
Some people prefer to work for a large company, others prefer to work for a small company. Which do you prefer?

Essay:
There are variety of companies in different fields which a person can work at{try not to end a sentence with a preposition, especially if it is easy to remedy - here say “… fields in which a person can work”} . Choosing a certain job requires a person, most of the times, to apply to a company and to work in his job. {this sentence seems very banal - also, choosing would involve a choice, which is missing from you explanation} However this may be a complicated process. In fact, choosing [a] certain company may have a great influence on a person’s future. The most hard[est] thing is to decide, [" W]ould I [like] work in a large company or a small one[?"] In my Opinion{no caps}, I always like to work at a large compan[y], because I will have more chances for developing myself and having a lot of relationships with highly known people that have [a] big influence on the industry.
The main reason that I choose to work at a big company is because I will have the chance to become more professional at my field of job[work], while my position can also be raised{your position is not “raised” - this sounds odd} and my salary grown{“raised” would work better here}. For example, I have a first degree in accounting, and my job is an accountant. If I choose to work at a big accounting office, I will start as a junior, then senior and so on until I become one of the partners in that office. So, as my experience grows, my position and my salary get higher. This can be acheived{sp} at a smaller offices, but not in th[ese] proportions.
Another reason is that,{no comma} working in a big company makes{“lets” would sound better here} you know more people, thus having much more relations[hips] {“relations” are your relatives, or could possibly mean sexual intercourse - I don’t think that is what you mean here } than you could have at a smaller companies. For instance, working at a big office,{no comma} could make me{“allow me to” sounds better} meet a variety of important people, like a chief executive officer of a big company, thus making it possible for me that one day I could work at his company {this is OK, but it sounds better as “… for me to one day work at his company …”} as an accountant. In other words, making relations[hips] {“networking” is a good word to use here} is very crucial for one’s future, and it can be achieved at its best in a big company.
In conclusion, I think working at a big company is better than working in a small company for the development of a person’s career, by earning a lot of experience and money, and building good relationships with important people and securing his future. {three "and"s seems like one too many}

359 words

Thank you

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History

[Luschen]

You are at the level where you are able to make yourself understood in English, but to make your sentences sound more natural you have to get more experience in what good sentences sound like. I don’t know of any quick ways to get this experience, I think it comes from reading as much as possible in English - short stories, newspapers, and magazine articles.