The prompt of the essay is “Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.”
Thanks for reading this essay and any suggestion is very welcome here.
Some people think that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. It may be true that the media cause some negative effects. But I believe it’s an exaggeration to say that movies and televisions cause more negative effects than positive effects. Or even if it does, that might merely happens to those unthinking TV viewers who do not know how to be beneficial to movies and televisions. As I see it, movies and televisions both are great vehicles of information, expend our life experiences by watching others’ and even enhance young people’s abilities of imagination.
To begin with, we can learn a lot of newest ideas and advanced technologies through movies and television. They provide a very easy way to access to information. For example, there are some TV channels such as Discovery and National Topography which are extremely informative in science: all we have to do is open TV and then we are able to see the scenes all over the world even if we are not present in the spots; we can also understand the theories or experiments of some new technologies without going to the laboratories. Thus, I think it is advantageous if we encourage young people to watch this kind of TV channels.
Furthermore, movies and televisions can broaden our experiences and imagination. The stories playing in the movies or televisions help young people to observe some parts of human nature. Besides, many movies and TV shows present highly creative. Take science-fiction movies for example. There are usually some incredible ideas in those movies: we can see the forward-looking and unimaginable technologies in the movie which would motivate young people to think more creatively.
In conclude, I personally disagree with the statements that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, and with my example I wanted to illustrate the effects of movies and televisions are not always negative to young people. They can be very helpful to young people as well.
Hi, your essay sounds pretty good. You have correctly addressed the topic and your structure looks good. You do have some mistakes with your prepositions though and many of your sentences sound awkward or unnatural. Your vocabulary is not bad, but a couple of your word choices could be improved. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.
Hi, Luschen. Thanks for all your helps and sorry about replying late.
I want to replace 2 sentences. Could you check them for me?
1 : (2nd paragraph) For example, there are some TV channels such as Discovery and National Geographic which are extremely informative of science: “all we have to do is turn on our TV and then we are able to see the scenes all over the world even if we are not present in the spots;” we can also understand the theories or experiments of some new technologies without going to the laboratories.
→ …; all we have to do is turn on our TV and then we are able to see the beautiful scenes all over the world even if we are not there.
2 : (3rd paragraph) The stories playing in the movies or on televisions help young people to observe some parts of human nature. “Besides, many movies and TV shows present highly creative.” Take science-fiction movies for example.
→ Besides, many movies and TV shows present highly creative plots that would sparkle children’s thoughts
