Please check my essay~Thanks

I can’t wirte well in English:( So I come to here for heip~
This is my first essay. I had refer to other’s essay.
Please check it~

The impact that movies and TV has had on our daily life, and society in general, is undeniable. No doubt it will become even greater as the scope of which continues to grow. Therefore, the quality of movies and televisions receives tremendous attention from the public, as well as the related censorship department. Granted, good people should be regarded and bad people should be punished meet the moral principles that are accepted by most people. And because of following reasons, I believe it is always suited as a rule of making movies and TV programs.

The first reason that I want to put forward is that the most important functions among the movies and the television is to entertain people. Therefore, most of people like movies with happy endings and predictable stories. Taking my own experience as an example, I like to watching movies when I was too t to study. A movie with a happy ending can help me to relieve the pressure and get a good rest. As you can see, seeing entertaining movies is really a valuable way for audiences to release stresses. That’s why I am greatly convinced that movies and televisions should show audience that good people would have reward and bad people would be punished in the end.

Secondly, the main role played by the movies and televisions is the consequential mass medium in the society. They assume the responsibility to educate children to some extent. In light of this, it is natural to come to a conclusion that movies and televisions should show audiences what are the differential attitudes to the virtue and evil. It is very vital to incubate a sense of merit in an audience’s mind, because it leads them to a bright road where they see the beauty of humanity. And if they one has have been instilled the winsome morals into their minds, they will make great contributions to the development of a country.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely come to the conclusion that television and movies should always show that good people are rewarded and bad people are punished, due to the fact that those movies and TV shows will make it easier for us not only to relieve the pressure from daily life, but also educate let people understand the eternal fact that good people eventually will have the better life as a reward for their good behaviors.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a campus patrolman

Hi, I am not a teacher, but as a native speaker I will be happy to make some comments on your essay. You generally did a good job, but try to make your sentences more concise and more direct. Making them shorter will also help. Also, try to mainly use the active voice. Some of your passive voice sentences seemed to lose track of thier main points and get bogged down with extra phrases. Also, “televisions” means more than one television set. Say “television programs” “television shows” or “television” to signify all the programs that can be found in the medium of television.

Thanks for your advice~~~~