please check my essay, thank you very much!

[Namdm24]

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There are many stages in a human’s life. However, the love which people give to each stage is not the same. Many people think it is better when they are adult. In my opinion, childhood is probably the happiest time of a person’s life because of play time, no heavy responsibility and lucky money in Tet holiday.

Obviously, childhood is the stage in which we can spend more time on playing. When we are adults, we have to go to work, do a lot of housework or even homework. Contrary to this, when we are still children, we do not need to do so much homework (or housework because we still have our mother to do that for us). Thus, we can have more time to play with our friends, watch television and do other activities.

Next, when we are children, we do not have heavy responsibility. Nowadays, adults have to be responsible for many thinks such as taking care of their children, going to work daily to make money, doing a lot of housework everyday. In the contrary, children are only responsible for themselves so they have no pressure on their responsibility. As a result, if we are children, we will not worry about such diseases including stress, insomnia,…

Finally, we receive a lot of lucky money in Tet holiday in our childhood. Obviously, the grower we are, the less the lucky money will be. When we are adults, we receive no lucky money and we have to give money to other children in Tet holiday.Thus, we have the best profit in Tet holiday when we are children.

Although we give love to each stage of our life differently, our life is still so preciously in every stage. Hence, we should respect our life and protect it with all costs. However, if someone ask me that which stages of my life I like most, I will tell him that it is childhood because in this stage, I have a lot of time to play, have no heavy responsibility and I can receive a lot of lucky money in Tet holiday.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Luschen]

Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. Please see my comments below.

@Namdm24

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Childhood is the happiest time of a person’s life.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There are many stages in a human’s life. However, the love which people give to each stage is not the same. {this sentence sounds weird to me} Many people think it is better when they are adult[s ]. In my opinion, childhood is probably the happiest time of a person’s life because of play time, no heavy responsibility and lucky money in[during the] Tet holiday.

Obviously, childhood is the stage in which we can spend more time on playing. When we are adults, we have to go to work, do a lot of housework or even homework. Contrary to this, when we are still children, we do not need to do so much homework (or housework because we still have our mother to do that for us). Thus, we can have more time to play with our friends, watch television and do other activities.

Next{in this context, “next” is a little confusing because you could be talking about the next stage of life - I would use “furthermore” or another transition here}, when we are children, we do not have heavy responsibilit[ies]. Nowadays, adults have to be responsible for many thinks{sp} such as taking care of their children, going to work daily to make money, [and] doing a lot of housework everyday. In the contrary, children are only[I would say “not even” - maybe it’s different in Vietnam ;)] responsible for themselves so they have no pressure [in their lives] on their responsibility. As a result, if we are children, we will not worry about such diseases {these are not really diseases, more like “problems”} including stress, insomnia, [ and so on]

Finally, we receive a lot of lucky money in[during the] Tet holiday in our childhood. Obviously, the grower [older] we are, the less the lucky money will be. When we are adults, we receive no lucky money [at all] and [furthermore] we have to give money to other children [for the] Tet holiday.Thus, we have the best profit [from the] Tet holiday when we are children.

Although we give love to each stage of our life differently{once again, this does not sound natural}, our life is still so preciously in every stage. Hence, we should respect our life and protect it with all costs. However, if someone ask[s ] me that which stages of my life I like most, I will tell him that it is childhood because in this stage, I have a lot of time to play, have no heavy responsibility and I can receive a lot of lucky money in[from the] Tet holiday.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Namdm24]

thank you so much for your advices !!!