please check my essay and give me a tentative score. I am preparing for toefl

Which one do you prefer -exercising outdoors or indoors? Give reasons and examples for your choice

Both exercising in gym or/and working out outdoors has its advantages and disadvantages. However, in my opinion exercising outdoors is a better option. Although, there is good privacy when we work out in gyms and many sophisticated equipment which may provide us with necessary means for efficient work out, I would still prefer exercising outdoors. There are several benefits of working out outside.

Firstly, there is abundance of fresh air . The basic purpose of any work out is to remain fit and healthy. By working out outside, with the fresh air our health is improved not only physically but also mentally. Exercising with nature relaxes me and reduces a lot of stress. While when I work out in gyms I feel closed up and constrained. Also, exercising outside is enjoyable. We can have fun, play sports and enjoy with our family and friends as we work out. I personally feel working out in gym is very draining and rigorous.

Secondly, not everybody will be in a position to pay for gyms. Gyms are pretty expensive and there are myriads of restrictions in terms of formalities associated with gyms. for example, gym might not be open if I wanted to work out very early say at 3 am. While I can fit my work out schedule as per my convenience if i am exercising by myself outside.

However, there are certain disadvantages of working outdoors too like, there will not be a discipline to work out. For example, if I were a member of a gym then I would regularly attend it, because i paid for it. If I am working out on my own I may get indolent and skip exercise once in a while. Therefore, discipline-wise gyms are better.

In conclusion, although there is no discipline factor when exercising outdoors, it depends entirely on the person’s seriousness towards working out. Therefore, for me exercising outdoors is far better than gyms.

thanks in advance!!

TOEFL listening lectures: How do botanists define a seed?

Hi, I thought your writing was very good. You have a clear structure and good topic sentences. Normally, I would not include a paragraph arguing against your thesis unless you explain it away. Your writing sounded very natural for the most part, although you had a few sentences that sounded awkward. Your grammar and vocabulary were very good, with only a few errors. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5, and probably a 4.5 if you substituted another reason and explanation for your final body paragraph.

hello
thank you, i will definitely work on your suggestions!!
one more thing though, can you suggest me a better way to organize my essay
and also a better conclusion
thanks once again!!