please check my 3rd essay!Thanks a lot!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage childrento do their work independently.

Nowadays more and more parents have realize the importance of their children’s
education. They put forth effort and concentration on children’s education and instructions. However there are some arguemets about whether parents should help children to do their work. As for me ,I believe that it would be better for children to do their work independently instead of asking help of parents.

Encouraging children to do their work independently can be helpful for the development of children’s ability of independent thinking and problem-solving.It is mainly because that by exploring the way to solve a complex problem,children can find some guidances for themselves. And they are more likely to deal with challenges instead of just relying on their parents.For example,my father always encourage me to solve the problems in my study by myself,especially in some subjects of social science,such history and literature. In last semester,I have to write a class paper,the topic of which my father was very familiar with. He did’t give me any instruction but encouraged me to search information and make an outline by myself. Actually I have finished the program successfully later and the . paper impressed my professer very much. So I think we can enhance our ability of solving problem through exploring the ways to deal with the problems instead of relying on our parents.

Doing work independently enable people get a good job and broaden their circle of friends. According to a recent survey carried out by Sina website,more that 70 percent of employers give priority to those employees who have a stronger ability of solving problems by themselves. It means that if children can solve problems by themselves and think independently, there will be more chances for them to find a good job in the future. Also,it will be easier for children get promoted in the future they work in a company,which of course will broaden their circle of friends.
Parents should give children comforts and encouragements when they meet challenges instead of giving them direct help,which just does harm to the development of their ability of solving problem by themselves. It is mainly because comforts and encouragements from parents can bring children more self-confidence and courage. But a direct answer only result in the laziness of children.

In conclusion,in order to cultivate children’s capacity of solving problems by themselves and thinking independently, parents should encourage their children to do their work independently,which will have a positive influence in their future success in the career

Thanks a lot!

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in the Social Sciences Department

Hi, I thought this was an excellent essay. A few verb tense problems, but easy to understand and quite convincing. Remember to always put a space after every comma and period. I would rate this essay a 4 out of 5.

Thank you Luschen! There are still some problem with my writing , but I’m getting better, the score you give me encourages me lot and I learned a lot from it. Thanks!