I’ll be very grateful if you can correct my essay.
At any point in your life, but especially as a child, you dream of being famous someday.
However, you fail to realize that though fame brings many advantages, some of the aspects
of being famous are less than favorable and may change your life irreversibly.
One of the main advantages of being famous is the fact that you can live a comfortable life, without
any worries regarding bills and being able to satisfy your financial desires.
Apart from the benefit of having lots of money, fame brings also economic benefits in terms of sponsorships and freebies, which you get as a result of beeing known by everyone.
Another major advantage of being famous is that it increases your social status, it puts you in possession of a renown that numerous young people aspire to have.
All the same, sitting in the hall of fame has also its certain drawbacks you have to consider.
To begin with, being famous gives you lack of privacy due to the fact that anyone wants to find out more and more.Imagine being followed 24 hours of every day.You must always go out looking your best for fear of a unseemly picture appearing in a magazine.Additionally, you can expect no respect for personal or family boundaries.Another negative aspect of being famous is then the pressure to conform to the expectations of the fans and being judged or criticized everytime you make a mistake and therefore you must have a sufficiently strong personality.
All thins considered, being famous can be a very gratifying experience, although not one without difficulties.Fame can be both a boon and a bane and before dreaming of having it, you should take into consideration the fact that once you are famous, you start your fight for defeating all the detriments it brings and if you aren’t mighty enough, it can crush you.
Hi, I thought your essay was very good. Is this for the TOEFL? If so, could you include the prompt you are answering so I can make sure you addressed it correctly? Also, make sure to format your essay into well-organized paragraphs - it was a bit clear where one topic ended and another began.
Your writing sounds pretty natural, but the following seems a bit more clear to me:
In addition, when you are a celebrity, you can expect no respect for your personal or family boundaries. Another negative aspect of fame is the pressure to conform to the expectations of your fans. You can count on being judged or criticized every time you make a mistake, therefore your personality must be sufficiently resilient to avoid the ensuing stress and discouragement these criticisms could otherwise cause.