Please check and rate my essay. Thank you in advance.

[Hanglib]

Topic: It is better to enjoy your money when you earn it or you should save it for some time in future?

Earning money for living is not easy problems but spending money rightly seem to be more difficult because of different attitudes people hold toward their money. However, personally, comparing enjoying money and saving money for future, the former will bring more benefit for me.

Firstly, healthy improvement is the most important factor why I shold enjoy money for. There is a quote that “having good health means having all”.Need less to say, work often make us exhausted, stressful. This is absolutely not good thing and is reason why we should pay more attention to caring my health. Vacations at weekends is nice ideals to help you reduce stress. Nutrient food, useful medicine help you be healthier. Therefore, I stand on golden chance to focus more on work, earn more money, etc. By and large, spending money for health enhancement certainly to be a right action

Secondly, that spending money to cultivate life ranks an equal important role. Some people say that we try to earn money to live better, so why must we work hard, how can we live better while we do not enjoy them? Owning a comfortable house, buying modern equipment is the most effective way to cultivate our living conditions. This helps us live more conveniently then will be long-lived and have more time to come into nice life

Finally, investment is a typical reason for the preference enjoying money. I think that if we put money in pocket, it has no use. Money just is the thing to exchange everything, thus It only has price when is used. For this reason, instead of saving them I want to invest them. This not only help me have more money but also reduce risks of inflation when saving them. More interestingly, It will be my contribution to the development of economy in my country

Summary, improving health, bettering living standards and investing for more lucrative are the most worthy reason why I will make plan using money as soon as I am economically independent. I highly recommend people should carefully analysis the advantages of enjoying money to enter the life without inhibition.

Dear Luschen,

This essay I wrote in more than an hours. I tried to write it in 30 mins but after that I had to checked many mistakes both grammar and ideals. I have gotten stuck in brainstorming and explaining my ideas.

About my ideas, do you think they are convincing enough? should I write more in body paragraphs? Sometime, I feel that my supporting details are quite dull.

Thank you for taking time for me!

Sincerely,

Hang

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and a professor in the professor’s office

[Luschen]

H Hanglib - I thought your content was not bad, but obviously you have to finish your essays a bit faster. You have good reasons, but I agree your details are somewhat uninspiring. I think having more personal examples, even if you have to make them up is more interesting and actually easier to write. Here might be an outline and some examples you could use -

1. Spend money to keep yourself healthy. Talk about your uncle who worked hard and never took a vacation and then one month before he was going to retire and take it easy and enjoy the fruits of his labor, he suddenly died of a heart attack.

2. Spend money to improve your life and cultivate your interests. I want to go on a trip to Africa or China. Seeing how other people live and learning about other cultures is much easier when one is young, without a spouse or children to hinder travel. With the lessons learned from my travels, I will have a much richer life and memories I can treasure forever.

3. Investing for a future income. Sure, I could put my money in the bank and earn 2% a year, but it is much better to invest in an apartment I can rent out or even start my own business. These options may be riskier than a bank account but the rewards could be tremendous, and besides, being young with few responsibilities is the best time to take some intelligent risks.

This is also a good idea when answering your speaking questions. If you can include some personal details, your answer will be more interesting and convincing.

Your essay is pretty clear and easy to understand, but you do have a lot of problems with word usage, sentence construction, and grammar. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Hanglib

Topic: It is better to enjoy your money when you earn it or you should save it for some time in future?

Earning money for living {“Earning a living” sounds more natural} is not [an] easy problems but spending money rightly {“wisely” is better} seem[s ] to be more difficult because of different attitudes people hold toward their money. However, personally, comparing enjoying money and saving money for future, the former will bring more benefit for me. {this is ok, but it seems like it could be better - maybe “However, in my opinion, enjoying one’s money in the present brings far more benefit than saving it for the future.”}

Firstly, healthy[health] improvement is the most important factor why I shold{spelling} enjoy [my] money [immediately] for. There is a quote that [says, ] “[ H]aving good health means having all”.Need less{one word} to say, work often make[s ] us exhausted [and] stressful. {this is a very common error for Vietnamese English learners - a comma is not a substitute for and or or, even though I realize it is common in Vietnamese English translations} This is absolutely not [a] good thing {this could be said more elegantly} and is [the] reason why we should pay more attention to caring [for our] my health. Vacations at[on] weekends {though vacations are usually longer than a weekend - you could say “Weekend getaways”} is[are] nice ideals to help you reduce stress. Nutrient [Nutritious] food [and] useful{“effective” is better} medicine help you be healthier. Therefore, [by investing in my health,] I stand on[a] golden chance to focus more on work, earn more money, etc.{avoid using abbreviations - here you can say “and so on”} By and large, spending money for health enhancement certainly [appears] to be a right{“intelligent” would be better} action

Secondly, that spending money [now] to cultivate [one’s] life {cultivate a life sounds odd - maybe cultivate your intellect or something more specific like cultivate your palate} ranks[plays] {a role is like a part in a play or move - someone plays it or has it or excels in it or something similar} an equal important role. Some people say that we try to earn money to live better, so why must we work hard[? H]ow can we live better while we do not enjoy them? {what is “them” here? a bit unclear} Owning a comfortable house [and] buying modern equipment is the most effective way to cultivate{“improve” or “enhance” are better} our living conditions. This helps us live more conveniently[,] then will be long-lived and have more time to come into [a] nice life {this sentence sounds pretty unnatural - live conveniently sounds odd, as does “come into a nice life”}

Finally, investment is a typical reason for the preference [to] enjoying money. I think that if we put money in [our] pocket, it has no use. Money just is the thing [used] to exchange everything, {avoid using “thing” - here “token” would be good - Money is just a token used to exchange for the things we need"} thus It only has price{“value” is better here} when [it] is used. For this reason, instead of saving them[my dong] {although dong sounds a bit risqué in English - maybe stick to dollars } I want to invest them. This not only help[s ] me have more money but also reduce[s ] risks of inflation when saving them.{“money” is non-countable singular - so you could also say “saving it”} More interestingly, It will be my contribution to the development of [the] economy in my country

[In] Summary, improving [my] health, bettering [my] living standards and investing for [a] more lucrative [income] are the most worthy reason[s ] why I will make [a] plan [to use] using [my] money as soon as I am economically independent. I highly recommend [that] people should carefully analy[ze ] {or “I highly recommend people to carefully analyze …”} the advantages of enjoying money to enter the life without inhibition. {this last phrase sounds a bit odd}

Dear Luschen,

This essay I wrote in more than an hours. I tried to write it in 30 mins but after that I had to checked many mistakes both grammar and ideals. I have gotten stuck in brainstorming and explaining my ideas.

About my ideas, do you think they are convincing enough? should I write more in body paragraphs? Sometime, I feel that my supporting details are quite dull.

Thank you for taking time for me!

Sincerely,

Hang

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and a professor in the professor’s office

[Hanglib]

Now, I absolutely understand what can I do to improve my writing skill, especially writing supporting details. I also know that I need to work more assiduously, practice makes perfect. Thank you again for your enthusiasm and kindness!