please check and grade my essay, thank you very much!

Topic 100:Some people think that governments should spend as much money on developing or buying computer technology. Others disagree and think this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with?
It is obvious that it is so important to spend money on developing computer technology because it can increase the efficiency of working as well as the quality of study and entertainment. However, I think government should not only spend as much money as possible on it because there are other basis needs and computer technology can have negative effects.
Nowadays, there are so many people died because of famine, tsunami, earthquake… Hence, government needs to spend a lot of money to support the people suffered from these disasters. Furthermore, the collapse of economic causes many people to lose their job. Thus, there are more unemployed in the world and the money from government need to be used to support these people.
Obviously, computers have so many harms to our world, especially to children. They often use computer to play video games, chat with their friends or watch movies, and they spend too much time on these activities so they do not have time to do their homework, do exercises or spend time with their family. This can cause many diseases to the children such as obesity, short-sighting or even psychology. Also, computer is the fastest way to transfer bad culture or sexual video to the children. There can be more criminals if there is development of computer technology. Another negative effect of development of computer technology is the increase of unemployed because computer nowadays can replace worker to work faster and more efficient. It may be good for our economic development but it can increase the number of criminals and of course, collapse our community.
Using money to develop computer technology is a very good idea. However, it is more reasonable if government can spend their money on other needs of citizens but not only spend it on computer development because of the benefits of people in the world and decrease the bad effects of computer to our children and our community.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one way that Internet Addiction Disorder affects sleep?

Hi, I think your essay is quite good. You have a good structure. I think your arguments are well reasoned, although your first body paragraph could be expanded somewhat. Your grammar is fine for the most part, although you do have a few awkward sentences. They don’t really interfere much with your clarity though, so overall I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

thank you very much!